The Perfect Kid

I have the PERFECT kid in my class this year. I had him last year, too, and that's when I realized that he was an amazing kid. I naturally hand picked him to be in my homeroom for this year when I moved up to a grade 8 homeroom. I didn't have the pleasure of having in my homeroom when I taught grade 7 last year, so I figured it was only appropriate that I have him this year.

I normally refer to the kid as DF because those are his initials. I don't call him that to his face. When speaking with him directly, I call him by his lovely given name. It is in referring to him out of his company that I call him DF. Normally the context is something like this, "My god, once our DF graduates on to the high school, who the hell will take his place?"

He's perfect. He's super duper smart and hard working, he's nice to the other kids, he's as handsome as they come, he's sooo nice to the other kids, he's athletic and he is completely unassuming and modest about all that he has going for him.

Today he asked me if he could stay after school to work with his partner on their Power Point presentation. Naturally I said he could. He then asked me if he could ask one of the girls in the 8th grade class to come and help him with the finer aspects of power point. He isn't the most gifted computer person. (I guess everybody, even DF, has their weaknesses.) The great thing was that he asked the girl who is probably the most academically limited kid in the class (but she's pretty good with Power Point) if she could help him. Naturally the girl was totally flattered to be asked by the by far smartest kid in the class, for her help. She was glowing.

They were with me until almost 5:00 this evening and I had a great time with them.

But here's the thing....

DF's parents are extremely young, maybe even younger than me. They are divorced and they are bitterly angry at each other. They spend a majority of their time with the kids trash talking each other. DF has spoken with me at length about how this stresses him out and really hurts him.

Yesterday was one such day. DF came to school very late and parked himself in the therapy chair next to my desk to talk with me about what was going on. It was pretty heavy.

He is usually so pleasant, but yesterday he was pretty out of sorts. When he went to lunch, he seemed particularly disjointed.

Anyway, our lunch period is just under 30 minutes. With about 5 minutes remaining in the lunch shift, I went across the hall to use the faculty restroom in the main office. The sight that greeted me upon entrance to the office shocked me. There was my perfect DF sitting in the "I'm in trouble and waiting to be busted by the principal chair." I literally rubbed my eyes and tried to refocus. I simply could not believe that DF, of all kids, would be sitting there.

When he saw me in a state of shock, he looked so totally embarrassed. He spilled the beans and told me that he had been loud in the cafeteria and when the janitor told him to knock it off, he totally lost touch with his normal perfect DF self and told the guy, "Get the fuck out of my face."

I was SHOCKED!! He immediately apologized for repeating the thing to me, but quickly added that he knows he can talk to me about stuff like that. Before I could say anything to him, he totally started beating himself up. "I cant' believe I lost control of myself like that. I was so rude to the janitor. This is totally unacceptable. Even if I'm upset I just can't speak to people that way...." All the perfect DF stuff.

I sat there quiet for a moment, looking for the right thing to say to the fallen-from-grace DF. Finally he broke the silence with, "Well, Ms. B., so much for the DF pedestal, right?"

I wasn't even aware of his awareness of the fact that I have him on a total pedestal. But I didn't miss the opportunity. I said, "Nope, no way." I explained that although he had totally screwed up, he could at least take credit for totally owning what he did, realizing that it was dead wrong, and resigning himself to the trouble that was about to come his way.

When the principal showed up, she was equally shocked by what she heard. She let DF off the hook because she knows he is the perfect kid who even handles his imperfections the perfect way. She spoke at length with him about what happened, but she understood that he had just been stressed out and that he was mature enough to take responsibility for what he did.

Today, he came to school with a lengthy apology note to the janitor, (and this kid is an amazing writer) complete with his father's and mother's phone numbers just in case the janitor wanted to call his parents and speak to them about what had happened.

Even the janitor said, "Christ, I almost feel like apologizing to the kid!"

Anyway, I'm just saying that there are a lot of complaints forthcoming from me about the increasingly difficult job teaching has become. But then you get a kid like DF. And it is all worth it. Of course, I know this is THE one DF I will really have in my career. Sure, there will be good kids in the future. Lots of them. But there'll only ever be on DF, and he's in my class for anther 5 months. I'm going to enjoy it while I can!

The Skinny on Skinny Jeans

I'm not a big fan of the skinny jean. I guess they're OK on skinny 15 year-old girls, two demographics into which I can safely say I do not fall. My real beef with skinny jeans lies in their popularity among young (and sometimes not-so-young) men. It seems to be a budding fashion phenomenon among the sort of college age, hip, trendy, artistic/musician set. I wonder what's going on with that.

There are two things that bother me about these jeans:

1. They are SO "skinny" that I often find myself wondering just how the christ the wearer managed to get his foot in through the leg opening.

2. They seem to have cross-breeded with their seeming incompatible opposite, the baggy jean. The situation becomes awkward because these jeans are so freaking tight, and so what they lack in "bagginess" they make up for in "sagginess." The ass is so low on these things, and the excess material, which in the typical gangsta baggy jeans would just fall around the shoe and hit the floor, is just stuck there around the skin tight foot opening. I can only direct your attention to the picture at the top of the page.

This is nothing new. it has been going on for a long time. All of the trendy young things at the Apple Store this summer were wearing these things. I just didn't understand. I was hoping it would be a short-lived thing, but apparently it has some staying power. Sadly.

Anyway, I'm just saying...

Question of the Week

On Fridays, my students get to answer a "question of the week." They enjoy it because each week, we pick one student's question, (usually an open-ended, imagined scenario type of thing), and we go to the computer lab where they bang out a quick, paragraph-long response. We then take the answers and hang them on the "question of the week" bulletin board in the 7th and 8th grade hallway. It is a great discussion prompter. I always join the students in answering the question, and like them, I post my reply in the hallway.

So, this week's question was posed by Dilpreet, and it it was, "If you could spend the day with any five people, past or present, famous or non-famous, who would they be."

Fun question.

I had my 5 people pretty quickly.






Naturally Bono was on my top 5. He's interesting, motivated, artistic, and brilliant. If I got annoyed listening to his "save the world" spiel, I could always just ask him to lapse into song for a moment or two. Plus, say what you will...maybe he's pretentious, and maybe he has a god complex. He's certainly teenie, tiny, short. But the guy is sexy.





Naturally my hero, Bill Clinton, had to factor into the equation somewhere. As far as I'm concerned, this guy is still the president. Ok, he's still MY president. I don't acknowledge the current administration. George W. Who? Anyway, I LOVES me some Bill Clinton. Make no mistakes, I have no desire to shag the guy, but I do think he's pretty amazing. You should pick up his book, "Giving" if you haven't already. Honestly, it will inspire you to want to be a better human being. Bill could be in the process of becoming a stronger former president than he was a sitting president. Naw, though, the guy is great not matter what. He could write a fortune cookie and I'd call it an oeuvre of genius!





I NEED to meet Erik Larson, author of the mind-blowing Devil in the White City. I won't take much of his time, though, because he MUST get back to writing the next book to blow my mind!! I plan on telling him simply to cast aside all of his other daily obligations (taking the kids to school, feeding the pets, shopping, cleaning the house, etc) and promptly set about hiring somebody to do all these things for him so that he may devote every waking moment to penning his next chef-d'oeuvre.



Naturally I have to meet Samuel L. Jackson so that we can discuss how I'd like him to portray me when he plays me in the movie Hollywood will eventually make of my riveting life. We need to make sure he nails the role. Besides, just being seen with SLJ has to boost my street cred because he's just so DAMN COOL!!




Last but not least, my boy, Jon Bon Jovi. Look at the picture and then ask yourself if you really need me to spell out why I want to spend some time with this cool drink of water.

Shut Up, Already!

I very stupidly asked for the book Animal, Vegetable, Mineral by Barbara Kingsolver for Christmas. My fabulous in-laws went right out and bought it for me. I was delighted to receive it and anxious to start reading it.

If you're not familiar with the book, it is a non-fiction work by Kingsolver in which she details her family's quest to eat nothing but locally grown or raised food for an entire year. Sounded like an interesting premise. I thought it might be informative, humorous, and even full of some great recipe ideas for fresh fruits and vegetables. I thought it might be enlightening, or at the very least, entertaining.

But here's the ugly truth of the matter.

All this broad does is freakin' preach about how as Americans we're fat, lazy, overindulged and inconsiderate of the environment. All this might be true, but haven't we heard this all before in so many books, films, songs, documentaries? Does there really need to be another work detailing the sloth of Americans? Does she think she's sharing groundbreaking truths with us? Does she think her book is so revolutionary?

Let me shed some light of my own on this situation...

We've seen, heard, and read it all before.

The annoying thing is that Kingsolver starts off by talking about how much fuel is required to ship out-of-season goods clear across the world. True, I'm sure. The problem is that I'm now on page 75 of the book and this is all she seems to discuss. Well, this and the fact that her family is so perfect and that we are all inadequate and unworthy of life because we don't live just like they do. Honestly, I thought I might be inspired by this book. In fact, I'm just totally turned off because this woman is such a self-righteous asshole. The worst thing is that the woman doesn't just come across as an utter stuck up asshole herself, but rather she drags her entire family in on the act. The stupid husbad, Steven L. Hopp, has these little "factual essays" that appear at random intervals throughout the book. He focuses on, surprise, surprise, the fact that we waste billions of barrels of oil shipping foods around the world. But I haven't shared the worst part of this book yet....

Even worse than the jackass husband getting involved, is the fact that the daughter, 18 year-old self-righteous asshole in training, Camille, has little missives throughout the book as well. In her missives, she basically unabashedly pats herself on the back for eating only free-range meats and locally grown produce. She paints herself as the wonder of her college class and makes it sound as if all her classmates are worshipping at her feet because she eats fresh veggies.

Puh-leez, people!! When I was in college, nobody looked twice if anybody ate a salad. In fact, it was pretty commonplace. Things must be pretty different now than they were when I was in college.

If my writing has not convinced you that these people are assholes, just take a look at the photograph that they willingly put on the back of their book. Need I say more? A pictures speaks a thousand words, doesn't it?




My favorite parts of the book involve the author telling stories about how friends have served out-of-season fruits and vegetables at dinner parties. Kingsolver completely berates and insults these people, basically equating their choice to serve these foods with their singlehandedly destroying the planet. She insults their intelligence, their hospitality, and their friendship to make her self-righteous points.

Screw that. I hope these people read her book, feel rightfully insulted, and drop this bitch like a hot locally-grown, free range, organic potato.

It is not often that I don't finish a book. But this is one that will be relegated to the "holding up the short end of the couch" pile. I just can't be preached at by this arrogant, pompous asshole and her family any longer.

Before and After

Sephen and I treated ourselves to the luxury of hiring a cleaning woman to come and give our apartment a nice, thorough, once (or twice) over!

We were both so busy all week, and were hardly ever in the apartment. It seemed we were only around long enough to create a mess, but not to clean it up.

So, we hired two Brazilian women and they did a fabulous job.

Note: NEVER hire a cleaning person from a company like "Merry Maids" or any of those horrible places. They treat their employees like crap. I have no guilt about hiring these women. They run an independent business, and they are free to set their own rates, which they then pocket fully.

Anyway, here's a study of our bathroom, before and after! Can you guess which is which?

I Know I'm Not Perfect, But At Least I Don't....

Sometimes I feel kind of bitchy about judging people and jumping to conclusions about people whom I've never even spoken with.

Then I see how some people behave in public and I think to myself, "Jesus, if he's not embarrassed to do that in front of perfect strangers, should I really be ashamed about being judgmental." I think not.

Below is a list of the things I've seen people do in the recent past. I will list the the offensive behavior and, in some cases, reveal the offender(s.)

So, the theme of my list is this:

I KNOW I'M NOT PERFECT, BUT AT LEAST I DON'T........

Clip my fingernails on vehicles of public transportation. Is this not just completely vial? Disgusting? Offensive in the purest sense of the word? Revolting? I think so too. And yet, I've seen it many times. Why just today I saw it twice. A woman on the bus decided to bust out the clippers today, and to round out my experience, a woman on the train did the same during my evening commute. Jesus Christ, this is just nasty. I waste no opportunity to give an absolutely seething glare to anybody engaged in this atrocious act. Sometimes I become tempted to put my iPod on and drown out the noise, but then I think better of it. I always opt to keep my five senses fully tuned in so as to avoid being hit by errant nail clippings. I'm still waiting for some asshole to start clipping their toenails on the bus. I'm sorry, but the nasty look will be cast aside in favor of the, "You've got to put those nasty ass hamhocks away" comment!

Thrust my arm viciously in front of somebody at the check-in counter at the gym and reach for a towel. The next time I'm tempted to do something silly like say, "Excuse me, pardon my reach," I think I'll just knock some poor unsuspecting gym member over with my arm-come-deadly-weapon.

Throw a colleague's photocopy job off the copier in the middle of its processing in order to make my own copies. Yeah...somebody did this to me at work today.

Ask somebody if they're waiting to get to the milk stand at Starbucks only to ascertain an answer of "yes" but proceed to push ahead of them anyway.

Send annoying political emails to people whose views I know to be completely divergent with my own, and then get offended if they respond negatively or with an opposing viewpoint.

Spit. Ever.

Smoke.

Smoke directly in the doorway of a public building.

SCREAM down my cellphone on public transportation. (Have you ever noticed that the assholes speaking on the cellphone nearby when you're in public never appear to be engaged in a two-sided conversation, but rather a lengthy and emotional monologue, prompting them to speak loudly without pause and seemingly without any feedback or reason to pause from the person on the other end?)

I don't drive, but if I did, I WOULD USE MY FREAKING TURN SIGNALS SO THAT PEDESTRIANS WOULD KNOW WHEN THEY COULD CROSS THE FREAKIN STREET!!!!

Turn colleauges into the principal.

Talk ceaselessly about football.

Go tanning and try to pawn off my leathery orange skin as "natural."

Snap gum. Ever!

Say "axe" instead of "ask" or "liberry" instead of "library."

I Thought It Was Supposed to be CELEBRITY Apprentice!

I know my readers look forward to my early-in-the-season commentary on each individual contestant in the Donald Trump Show. I am sorry I have kept you waiting for so long. I admit that I should have gotten on with this much sooner!

I don't know, I guess I just don't feel all that motivated to take pen to paper (or in this case, finger to keyboard) to scribe a lengthy missive about a thus far lackluster season of the Trump Show. I am trying to muster up my normal "Donald Trump Show" enthusiasm, and I'm tuning in each week (even giving up Grey's Anatomy....which I can watch on Friday online anyway), but I feel like I'm just going through the motions. In place of my usual excitement is a feeling of utter confusion. I thought this was being touted as the Celebrity Apprentice. I thought I might actually recognize a few of the contestants, but I'm at a loss as to even begin to attempt to recognize these slobs. Of course there are a few I know. How could I not, for example, know Gene Simmons or Elaine from Taxi? Jesus, if I were to plead ignorance about those two, you could easily surmise that I had spent the past 34 years under a rock. More about Simmons and Elaine from Taxi later. First, let me launch into my commentary by addressing the overrated nobodies and has-beens that are trying to lay claim to celebrity status on this show.



Let's talk about this woman, Jennie Finch. She is supposedly some Olympic gold medalist in softball or something. That's all well and good, but I haven't even heard this woman utter a syllable throughout the first two episodes. I wish I could comment on something more substantial about this woman's intelligence, stupidity, talent...whatever. But so far, she's given me nothing to work with. Ok, she does have nice hair, but Gene Simmons, who has led his team to victory twice thus far, has certainly gone above and beyond to prove that good hair is not a prerequisite to a task victory. So, I'm keeping my eye on Jennie. I'll give her one more episode in which to say something, before declaring her formally dead from the neck up...except for the hair, of course.



This bopo, Piers Morgan is the biggest mystery to me. WHO THE HELL IS THIS CHUMP? I've never seen him. Never heard his name uttered or muttered by anybody of any importance. Never even heard of the show in which he allegedly has some kind of role. He's a judge on "America's Got Talent." I can only draw the conclusion that it must be some asinine reality talent show or some such. The funny thing is that this dude is a total talentless ass clown, so I see the humor and irony in his thinking that he is in any kind of position to judge anybody's ability. Not to mention, he seems like an arrogant asshole. I can't wait for this jerk to get canned.



Once again, let me reprise the question, "Who the hell is this person?" in connection with Nely Galan. One more lip enhancement procedure and this broad's not even going to be able to open up her mouth to speak. Hmmm.....let me try to find her plastic surgeon's name and number so I can book the appointment myself. I would be quite happy with this fool off the show. She was absolutely moronic to call Carol Alt into the board room with her last episode. Alt was just plodding along doing whatever she was told to do, while Elaine from Taxi was busying herself with mucking up the entire project. And this Nely clown doesn't even bring Elaine from Taxi back into the boardroom with her. Stupid! I give her two more weeks TOPS!



Tito Ortiz. Another big question mark for me. Ultimate fighter. What the hell does that mean? So, not only do I have non clue who this fool is, but I haven't the slightest idea as to what ultimate fighting is...or how/why somebody can get "famous" doing it. He's another one that just doesn't seem to have much going on between the ears.



Onto Trace Adkins. All I can do is shrug my shoulders on that one. Again, no freakin' clue. I guess he's some country singer or something. He seems like he might actually not be a complete moron, so I'm holding out some hope for him.

And onto the rest of the slobs whom I didn't have enough room to post pictures of...

Carol Alt is kind of so attractive that she's scary, or so scary that she's attractive. I haven't quite figured it out yet, but I'm working on it. She has already been to the boardroom twice (albeit under bogus circumstances last time), so I don't see a long sojourn on the Apprentice for old Carol. Besides, eventually she's going to get exhausted trying to support her massive head of hair and she'll need a break from the pressures of the tasks.

Stephen Baldwin. Hi...can we say OBNOXIOUS. I am dying for this asshole to do something stupid and get canned so I don't have to listen to him anymore! The thing that I'm hoping for is that when his group loses eventually, some major responsibility might get pinned on him because he's such a bossy little creep.

Nadia Comaneci. Thank god this broad was already canned. Talk about dead weight. I guess she was such a great gymnast because there was nothing in her head to weigh her down and prohibit her from doing all her jumps and flips.

Tiffany Fallon. Here's somebody who actually seemed kind of normal. I guess that's why Trump had to can her. Ratings, ratings, ratings!

Elaine Nardo from Taxi: This broad doesn't look too bad, to be honest with you. She kind of shit the bed in the last task, and she also seems a bit pushy. She might just find herself on the chopping block soon. Too bad because she's one of the people I can actually stomach for more than 3 seconds in a row.

Lenox Lewis: Is this guy just going to be the perfect jerk to boss around or what? It seems like he could open up a can of whoop-ass and tell his teammates who's boss. Instead, he does everything they tell him to and never protests. From degrading himself to selling photos of himself with hotdog stand customers, to blindly obeying his orders to act in the Animal Shelter commercial, this clown is his team's bitch!

Omorosa: I think somebody should tell Trump he made a mistake and put Omorosa on the women's team.

Vincent Pastore: Never heard of the guy. I know he was on the Sopranos, but I was not an HBO subscriber, remember. Totally obnoxious.

Gene Simmons: In reading Simmon's biography, I was surprised. He is multi-lingual and seems to have quite the head on his shoulders. Too bad he's using it to cultivate that particular hair style, but hey, whatever. I think the guy seems totally arrogant, but he is rather funny to watch.

That's my early impression of this season.

What do you think? Any early predictions?

Fall Into the Gap

Are any of you Gap shoppers? I have been known to pick up an item of clothing or two there in my day. I've been in lots of Gap stores, both stateside and abroad. One thing that I have noticed to be true of every single Gap store is the extreme dust bunny situation in the fitting rooms. I'm not joking or exaggerating, either. If I weren't so cheap and excited about deeply discounted clothing, I would be too grossed out to stick around and try stuff on.




I got into UMass Boston's graduate program. Still waiting on Harvard's decision. I'll keep you posted. Fingers crossed.

The Numbers Are In

I just got my official GRE scores in the mail.

Do you want the good news or the bad news first?

Let's go with the bad. The really bad.

On the analytical writing section, I only got 4.5 out of 6. I thought I had done better. Perhaps I allowed myself a bit of arrogance in thinking that I was a better writer than I really am. In the official results, they list not only your score, but also the percentage of test takers who did worse than you on that particular session. Only 54% of the test takers did worse than me on the analytical writing. That means that I'm only in the top 46%. Not so great, right?

For the bad news, I scored a 390 out of 800 on the math. Jesus! Only TEWLVE percent of test takers did worse than me. That CAN'T be good, right? I mean, I'm not a numbers person, but that's just sad....even for me. The real kicker is that, not being a numbers person, I wasn't sure how to read the test results. I asked a guy on my building elevator (a freakin' CPA, mind you) to help me figure out the results. He looked embarrassed, like he didn't want to reveal the truly abysmal nature of the scores. I told him to just let me have it, straight up. I also assured him that I was expecting horrific results and asked him to consider the fact that I had to ask a complete stranger to overlook my results to tell me what the hell they mean. This is when he revealed the ghastly truth, that only 12 percent of test takers did worse than me. I'm enough of a math person to realize that this means 88% did better.

But here's the good news...

I received a 650% out of 800, and that put me in a position of having scored better than 89% of test takers. That's ok, right?

Please tell me it's OK!!

A couple of other random thoughts....





I am really glad that Reesie weighed in on my Trump posts from her new home of Florida. I am just glad that she didn't mention the Florida weather. Although, if she's going to do it, this would be a good time. Boston is a very pleasant 50% right now. And as I can see, we're heading up to 60% tomorrow.



So we tried to get through the double header debate on Saturday night. I made it through the entire Republican debate, but admittedly I got rather tired somewhere through the Democrat one. Too bad, too, because that is the one that I would have preferred to see in its entirety. Instead, I retired to my boudoir to watch several installments of Sex and the City. You can thank Lauren if I end up voting for the wrong candidate and screw up the country!!!

I think the brawl between Clinton and Obama is getting pretty intense. When I went to bed last night, they were in a statistical dead heat in the NH primary. I awoke this morning to find him 10 percentage points ahead in the polls. I went to bed rather late last night, too, as I was on the floor on a heating pad with my AGAIN busted back. Yeah, I'm on the prednisone treatment again!!! Anyway, I was pretty surprised, not necessarily to find that Obama was ahead, but that they gained this new information overnight. Who the hell is calling people in the middle of the night to ask them whom they're voting for? Jesus, if I got a polling call in the middle of the night, I'd go remove my name from the voting list and take a permanent vacation from the democratic process. I value my sleep above all else!



And finally, just thought I would tell y'all that Stephen and I finally bought ourselves the external hard drive that my parents gave us the money for for Christmas. We picked out a Western Digital 500 GB "My book" hard drive. I have already backed up my music and photo libraries and I'm feeling pretty good about that!!!

You're Fired!

The Trumpster is at it again! He has started off this newest season of The Donald Trump Show (aka the Celebrity Apprentice) by canning somebody who, in this blogger's humble opinion, should not have been canned at all.

Former Playboy Playmate of the year, Tiffany Fallon, was canned after failing to enlist Hugh Heffener's help in a charity hot dog hawking event. Fallon claims she didn't get Hef on the horn because she was waiting to get him to help in a bigger event later in the series. This proved to be a fatal mistake on two points. The first and most obvious mistake she made was not emphasizing the fact that Omorosa specifically told her not to exploit her celebrity in order to win the competition. She next mistake was not pulling out all the big guns immediately, as Trump himself seems ever ready to do.





I'm convinced that if Tiffany had been more emphatic in blaming Omorosa for her failure to fully exploit her celebrity, Omorosa would have been canned.

I think, though, that Trump is very savvy indeed. He knows that the last season of the show tanked in the ratings and he obviously knows this season is do or die. (I'm not sure that the celeb thing will help bail out the show, but I give Trump a wink for his pluck in trying again.) He knows that everybody freaking hates Omorosa, but that we all LOVE to hate her. If he canned her too early in the season, before we even know who the hell the other washups are, we might not tune in.

Honestly some British guy was trying to put Omorosa down by telling her that "nobody even knows who you are." Obviously he thinks that he's more famous than she is. Sadly (and this really is a sad state of affairs), Omorosa is an asshole, but everybody knows who she is. I have no idea who the British chump is.

Anyway, I almost fell over when I saw Elaine from Taxi on the show. I had no idea she was still kicking. And what is Gene Simmons doing on the show? I mean, really. I'm really shocked that he deigned to compete in a show so obviously stocked with minor D list celebs.

I guess its all about the greenbacks.

Coming January 3rd to a boob tube near you!

I want to know how the hell we failed to make mention of the fact that the new season of the Donald Trump Show starts up on January 3rd. I know the last season was a bit of a bust, and this season's "celeb Apprentice" doesn't look too promising from where I sit, but come on, we have to at least give it a try.

I think it was really selfish of Reesie to move and not even have the decency to start up the "App-Reese-Tice" game, or at least instructing me how to do so. I tried to figure it out online yesterday, but I'm at a loss. Reesie, if you're reading this, I know you have to deal with finding a place to live and starting a new job in a whole new state, but please, set your priorities straight and get us started!

Anyway, I've been a pretty unfaithful viewer of the Amazing Race this season. I still maintain that the most beautiful attraction featured on that show is none other than the Amazing Phil. We actually watched it last night. I suddnely remembered why I never watch it; the contestants are so freakin' annoying! The two goths were, at long last, eliminated. This might make the rest of the season more palatable and I might tune in to a few more episodes.

I'm signing off, my friends. I'm at the gym and I have class in five minutes.

I think I'll leave the Trump picture on the computer desktop so that the poor sap who has to shut them down tonight and take all the random crap off the desktop can see his lovely visage.

Post Christmas Blog!

So, how was Christmas, everybody?

My Christmas was great! I spent time with both my family and Stephen's (this being my first Christmas as a married woman) and got some fabulous gifts.

Lauren gave me the entire Sex and the City series, which blew me away! I have already watched about a million episodes, and I'm only halfway through season 2! I've seen most of the episodes, but, never having subscribed to HBO, I've seen them all out of sequence and edited for network television. I love seeing the whole series unfold in its rightful order of events. I know I'm jumping on the "Let's talk about Sex and the City" bandwagon a little late (like four years after the series officially ended), but I have to mention a few things...

First of all, Miranda is a riot! I never really had any strong feelings about her character one way or the other, but the more I watch the show, the more I get a kick out of her one-liners. She is so acerbic and cheeky. I love it! I also think it's really funny that Charlotte, the total prude of the bunch, keeps meeting these men with these hideous sexual proclivities. How funny!
Anyway, thanks, Lauren, for making this vacation fun with plenty of episodes of Sex and the City to keep me entertained. I've mentioned to a lot of my friends that you gave me this, and they are all inviting themselves over for a series viewing marathon. I'll have to let you know when it's going to take place.

I got some great books, too. Stephen's parents gave me, Animal, Vegetable, Mineral by Barbara Kingsolver, which I'm dying to read. Stephen gave me a book about the serial killer who is the subject of my all time favorite book, Devil in the White City, H.H. Holmes. The title of this book is, aptly, Depraved. I also got Bill Clinton's book, Giving. I think Bill is brilliant. He could write fortune cookie and I'd think it was nobel prize worthy. I think I might be the only person, beside for Bill himself, who read his autobiography in its entirety .

Those are just a few of the great books I got.

I also scored some nice gift certificates and a lovely necklace and earrings set from Stephen. I love seahorses, and he found the coolest necklace and earrings with these lovely silver seahorses on them. He also gave me some books and a pair of Nike Shoxx for my busted feet. They seem to do something to keep the pain at bay while I'm exercising, too, which is great!!



At any rate, I mentioned my favorite book, Devil in the White City just a few minutes ago. I am delighted to see that Juanita is reading it because it rocks! I gave a copy of it to my principal (not because she is my principal, but because she wrote a letter of recommendation for me to a graduate program) and lent both of my copies (yeah, I have two) to two colleagues to read over the Christmas break. I had a hard time letting one of them go because I was actually in the middle of reading it AGAIN!! However, since it was like my 9th time through the thing, I figured it was for the greater good to let her borrow it. I was happy to learn that she read it and then passed it to her husband, who thought it was amazing, too. And one of my gym friends just mentioned that she made her husband buy it for her for Christmas. She is aptly blown away by it, too!

I think the author of Devil should thank me for boosting his sales like 3,000 percent. If you still haven't read this book yet, waste no time in getting your arse to the bookstore to procure your copy today!!

'nuff said.

Many Happy Returns

Today I went to the mall to return a sweater that I bought several weeks ago.

I purchased the sweater as part of a "buy one get one 75% off" promotion. One such sweater fit perfectly. The other fit as if I had purchased it at the Baby Gap. This despite the fact that they were the exact same style and size. I guess this speaks volumes about the shoddy craftsmanship of modern day clothing.

At any rate, I fully expected to be refunded only the 75% reduced rate for the sweater since I had kept one. This was fair enough, I figured.

The line at the store was huge, of course. The woman to whom I presented the return and the receipt was dumbfounded as to how to perform the return. She got all stressed out. I assured her that I was in no hurry and that she should take her time and ask her supervisor what to do.

She patiently waited for her manager to finish a transaction and asked her how to conduct the return. The manager agitatedly told her, "Ring in the non-sale amount, then subtract 75% and give her the difference." Fair enough.

The poor girl returned to her register and started the return process. She rang in the official amount (pre-sale) and then stood there in further confusion. She asked me, "If I have to figure out 75% of 30, I just take 75 cents off, right?" I said, (and no truer words were ever spoken), "I'm hardly a math expert. Ask your manager."

With this, she looked toward her manager who, once again, was crazy busy, and decided that, yes, all she needed to do was take 75 cents off and then give me the full price minus 75 cents in a return credit.

Who was I to argue?

Where I should have had 5 dollars credit on my card, I ended up with 30. Hey, you could call me immoral. I would reply, "Hey, if they can sell an allegedly 30 dollar sweater for 5 dollars in the first place, aren't they the ones stealing from me??"

Ha!

Take advantage of store craziness to conduct your returns!

Who ever said the news wasn't entertaining??

I was laughing my butt off last night as I watched the 11:00 news.

Apparently, there was some water main break in the city of Lynn. Naturally camera crews were there to catch the action.

The newscaster introduced the story, and then cut to video footage. The first thing shown was, nor surprisingly, the flooded street. Next up was some footage of workmen standing around, doing nothing to quell the rush of water. They were all laughing about something, yucking it up. Suddenly, there was audio and one of the workmen quipped, "Yeah, he's a fuc#$%@in' Asshole." (Of course, with the thick Boston accent, it was pronounced "aaahhhhs-hole.") With this, the other workmen all started breaking into these big, vicious chortles." The video ended abruptly and the cameras went immediately back to the newscaster in the studio. The guy looked stunned, and tried to seamlessly head into the next story.

Hilarious.

Merry Christmas!

Difficult as it is to believe, Christmas is just about here.

Stephen and I are preparing to leave the house shortly to get our Christmas celebrations underway. We'll start off by going to mass where we were married (unbelievably) six months ago! Today is the sort of remembrance mass for Uncle Matthew, who passed away five years ago (right?) at the very tender age of 37.

After mass, we'll hit the road to head to NH where I'll spend my first Christmas as a Mrs. with my new in-laws.

Today was great. I woke up at 7:00. Any school teacher out there will understand what I mean when I say that I consider a 7:00 wake-up time a "successful sleep in." Considering the fact that I'm usually on the bus to work at 6:35, being able to sleep until 7:00 is a big deal!

I decided to go out for a walk. The thing is that I LOVE to be out walking around really early on any Sunday morning because there's nobody around. But the even better thing is that here, in Boston College world, there is literally not a soul around as they've all left to go home for Christmas. I walked across normally lethal intersections without so much as a care in the world. I didn't even regard the walk signals because there wasn't a car to be seen. They could have filmed that new Will Smith "I am Legend" thing right around here at Christmastime.

I walked into CVS and was the only customer in the dump.

I walked into the coffee shop and was the lone soul in the place.

I trolled the streets for over an hour, just enjoying being the only living thing within miles. I LOVE just being out there and having the whole darn world to myself!!

Anyway, I should get going. I have to pack a few last minute things. It just dawned on me that I should bring the essays I stupidly assigned all my classes for the day before break. Now they have all the work done, but I have to do massive correcting! Oh well, I should have plenty of time at Stephen's parents' place to get some work done. That is if I can tear myself away from the Risk game we are promising to get started!!



Gotta run. Have a great Christmas!!

Anyone Out There?

I'm beginning to think that our little blogging group has fallen apart. None of us is writing as much as we used to. And I miss reading your silly little comments on my blog.

So, are any of you girls still out there, or am I in blogland all alone?

Boston was walloped by a pretty significant snowstorm on Thursday. Our superintendent of schools released us on noon Thursday. It proved to be a really good call on his part. I ended up going to lunch near my school with two of my colleagues. We spent a leisurely couple of hours in the coffee shop, chatting and enjoying our gourmet sandwiches. The snow had only just started when we entered the cafe, but in the just under two hours that we were there, it really accumulated!

One of my colleagues takes the same bus home as I do. I was never more glad to have somebody's company on a bus ride; we spent 2 and a half hours on the bus. Normally this is like a 30 minutes (tops...in high traffic) ride. I was going a little stir crazy at the end of that ride!!!

the snow continued to fall fast and furiously right on through about 8 last night.

I woke up the rooster to hold "no school announcement" vigil with me. I was starting to lose heart; although Boston called off school, (which is usually a pretty good barometer as we often follow suit), but none of the other telltale districts were calling. I started to stir from my comfy perch on the sofa, entertaining thoughts of the commute nightmare, when all of a sudden, my school district was announced as being closed!!!

Yes!

Honestly, the school could have easily opened. The weather wasn't that bad. The snow was pretty easy to negotiate in my travels. Public transportation was running (relatively) seamlessly and the car traffic was moving pretty smoothly. I know we have to make up the missed day in June, but seriously, it is soooo much easier to wait for the bus in the warm sun on a June day than it is to slip and fall in patches of ice in the still-pitch-black New England winter mornings.

I was at a 7:00 AM spinning class, I did all my food shopping, and cleaned every room in my house.

I might even tackle the laundry next!!

Yeah, this day off was well worth it.

There is supposed to be another storm coming Sunday night. We'll see if that translates to another day off on Monday. I'll keep you posted....if you're even reading, that it!!!

What the Fuck-abee????

OK, so if you make it to the very end of my next post, you'll see that I wrote about some "republican senator hater" who was spewing stupid, ignorant things about gays and AIDS. I wasn't really even looking at the screen at the time. The hater was not some no-name senator, but rather presidential candidate, Mike Huckabee. Jesus, I haven't really been paying attention to anything about this jerk, but I think I've heard all I need to. This is some scary, scary stuff. Get thee to the polls on election day to make sure we keep this asshole as far away from the white house as possible.

Screwed!!

OK, so I think I mentioned that I have to face my arch rival standardized test, the GRE, very shortly. I bought a review book yesterday. I thought I had my head wrapped around just how hideous this thing was going to be; I had made peace with it. But then I opened up the review book and well, let's just say that upon my first glance at the math section, I broke out in a cold sweat.

See, the problem is that I already took and bombed the GRE years ago. I was all prepared to send those horrible scores with my application, but the Educational Test Service web page reported that they are unable to generate score reports for any test taken before 2002. Since I took my GRE in like 1919, I'm screwed. So, a $140 registration fee later, I'm counting down the days to GRE hell.

I know I could take a review class, but here's what bothers me about those stupid courses....

They are often run by the ETS, the selfsame company that writes the test. Basically, all they do is teach you strategies to "beat the test." They admit full out that you don't really even have to know how to do the stuff, but rather you have to know how to navigate your way around sticky questions. Where is the merit to this exam?

To be honest with you, if I thought it might help me, I might even lay out the cash to take the course, but I did it for the SAT and after 4 tries on that thing, I only just broke a score of 1000. My best score ever was 1010. Really.





But seriously, this math. WTF? I am applying to a program for English teachers! Why they are so hell bent on making people take this silly ass math test is beyond me. Yeah, yeah, there are English sections on the test. For the most part, I'm doing pretty well on the practice tests in English. I mean, Christ, reading is an ongoing skill in our lives. We don't really lose touch with it. But honest to God, the math (like the crap shown above) is so far from being at the forefront of my daily thought process that I'm at a loss as to how to even begin to solve these things.

The worst part is that I recognize a lot of the stuff. I know I've seen a lot of it before, but I can't figure out what to do with it. The most frustrating thing is that there are times that I spend ages on a problem, and I don't mind that it took me a half hour to do single problem (on a 30 question, 30 minute session) because I'm convinced that I'm dead right. I then go to the answer key to check my work and find out, not only that I'm wrong, but that the right answer is the one that I rejected at the outset of my solving, having dismissed it as a completely impossible answer to the question at hand.

I am so screwed. And I'm not talking about the kind of crap when I was in high school and I'd say, "I know I failed that test." and then I'd get like an A-. I'm talking about completing the 30 question practice sessions, and finding that I only got 5 or 6 questions right when I correct them at the end.

The thing that made me laugh is that they explained that for the computer-based test, (which is what I'll be taking), they keep seeing how you did on questions to determine the level of difficulty of the subsequent questions. They're going to have to call some jerk in to fill up the database with some simple ass questions to make sure there is enough of a supply for me. I'm hoping they keep me at around the 4th grade level throughout the duration of the exam.

Anyway, I'm just super frustrated right now by this crap. Why, why, why do these schools insist upon this standardized test shit? Why don't they judge applicants more on the important things like professional experiences, letters of recommendation, school transcripts, interviews? Why does everything have to depend on this silly ass test? And why, in the name of God, is the "general" test so math oriented? And who the hell deems complex calculus-based math problems, "general knowledge?" I think my math general knowledge (figuring out sale prices at stores, doing quick subtractions from my checking account to avoid overdraft, etc) to be acceptable enough general knowledge.

Of course, the math people are probably all upset about the literature and vocabulary stuff. But I stick to my assertion that math people are more likely to be in constant contact with reading on a daily basis, and therefore are homing those skills on a much more regular basis than I am with my math skills.

The REAL reason that I was so excited about Bates when I first applied was that they did not require the SAT from students. They openly say that they understand that their applicants are more than a 3 hour standardized test that takes place on one Saturday morning of their lives. They also refuse to play into the ETS institution, preferring to learn about the people their applicants are, as opposed to what number they earned on a silly test in a subject they probably have no intention of studying.

They claim the GRE gives the school a chance to see your thinking and strategizing skills. Let them come watch me teach teenagers all day long, and they can see how I operate and think. I feel this is much more indicative of how I'll perform in a teacher program.

OK, enough about my anti-GRE diatribe.

Onto important sale news....

I was in EMS yesterday when I saw this jacket.....



I've been thinking about buying a down jacket, but was always deterred by the fact that they make you look like ten times more puffy than you already are. There are lots of things I need in life. Looking puffier than I am is not one of them. But anyway, this $100 down jacket was on sale for $70, and it was quite thin and looked relatively decent. I only looked 400 pounds instead of the 700 pounds I normally look in down jackets.

I didn't buy it, but started regretting it later. They had only had one in the store in my size. So, out of worry that they would run out, I decided to order one online. I logged on and VOILA, they were running a web-exclusive sale...the jacket was only $50 dollars online!!! So,I ordered it. Now, I don't care how damn puffy I look, I'm going to be in my warm-ass down jacket when I'm standing there waiting for the bus!

And I'm going to LLBean today and I think I'm going to try on these boots. Too cute, huh?




OK, gotta run. Some republican senator hater is on TV refusing to recant his statement that homosexuals are evil and should be quarantined. The remote control is on the other side of the room. I have to go get it and change the station because I CANNOT listen to this hate-spewing asshole.

Have a great one.

The True Shame of America

You know, we keep hearing about these presidential candidates' stances on the "issues." The one issue that I feel is never adequately addressed is the cost of education in this country.

Why are there so many countries (I'm talking wealthy, industrialized European nations, Canada, etc.) that have figured out that the government should pay to educate the citizens, and we here in the United States, continue to unabashedly ask our citizens to come up with upwards of forty thousand dollars a year for a college education?

As I apply to Harvard Graduate School of Education, I am horrified by the fact that it costs $85 just to submit the education. It cost almost 100 dollars just for some Harvard graduate admissions officer just to deign to read my files.

Christ.




And, on top of all of this, I now have to participate in this GRE racket. I took the tests when Christ was a child back in 1999, but now the ETS says they can't generate a score report for any tests taken before 2002. Come on, as if these bastards don't have that information at hand.

So, now, not only do I have to spend four hours of my life on the last Saturday in December in some computerized test center hell taking the GRE, but I had to pay 140 bucks for the privilege of doing so.

WTF???

Happy F#$%@ing Holidays!!

For several years now, I've been running the school faculty holiday party. Every year, I get driven batty by the same old crap.

The people who don't pay but show up anyway, thus creating an awkward "Hey, sorry to interrupt your meal, but can you please pay up?" moment.

The people who bitch endlessly because no matter what I do, it isn't goo enough.

The people who claim, at the time of the party, that everything is great, but who go home and call the restaurant and complain about the paltry quantities of food in order to have a meal comped at a future visit.

Last year, after I engaged in a six-block foot pursuit (in three inch heels) of a woman who showed up and never paid, I swore I was done planning the holiday parties.

And then, a few weeks ago, my principal, who I like a great deal, asked me if I would plan the party again. In a moment of weakness, I consented.

Things have been going OK so far. Of course, the final payment is due tomorrow and I have over half the staff who have not even acknowledged the fact. This in spite of my mass emails, multiple photocopied notices stuffed in mailboxes and thrown across every inch of the staff room. This in spite of the fact that I keep stressing the fact that, because the party is catered this year, final numbers cannot be tweaked at the end. More money can't simply be thrown at a restaurant chef to throw on an extra try of chicken, ziti and broccoli. I keep telling these people that I'm meeting with the catering staff tomorrow, and giving them final numbers and payments. Has this prompted people into payment action? No siree.

I don't even really give a shit about all that.

A few days ago, a couple of women whom I have lunch with, asked me if, instead of getting a sheet cake, I would ask people if they'd be willing to bake desserts. I said, right up front, that I knew this would give rise to endless complaints from the staff. After all, in all fairness, they have paid money to attend the party already and they could argue that dessert should be included, and this is a difficult time of year to expect people to throw more "to do" items on their cooking lists.

But, in an attempt to continue being democratic (for up to this point, I have given people the option of two restaurants from which to choose, and held meetings in my room about menu selection...attended, mind you, by NOBODY!!), I sent out another email about the desserts.

Christ, I don't think the authors of the Geneva Convention were more mindful of wording and the general impact of language than I was in this email. I basically acknowledged the abovementioned concerns (already paid, busy time of year, etc.) and said that the idea of bringing home made desserts was not mine, but rather had been proposed to me by several of our colleagues. I said that I would leave a dessert sign-up sheet in the staff room, and if, by Friday afternoon, there were no/not enough volunteers to bake desserts, I would quite happily order a cake. I stressed that nobody would be required to bake, and that nobody would be expected to bake enough for the entire staff, but rather one batch of whatever they do best.

Again, I stressed the importance of not wanting anybody to feel obligated, and my general flexible nature in the whole thing.

Well, wouldn't you know, word got to me today that the entire first and second grade faculty were, during their common lunch shift, kicking the shit out of me. I didn't even care about maintaining professional decorum. I immediately went to them after school and asked them to give voice to their concerns to me, rather than behind my back. They started laying into me. No sooner had they begun than I pulled up the email I had sent Sunday night and that NOT ONE OF THEM HAD READ IN SPITE OF BEING TOLD BY OUR PRINCIPAL TO CHECK WORK EAMIL DAILY.

As you can imagine, they felt like assholes.

I honestly think I'm going to be there for the food delivery that day, make sure the person is paid, help in the setup, and then fucking retreat to my classroom.

Screw this crap.

And as far as being caught in a moment of weakness when asked next year if I'll run the party...

NO F'n Way.

Oh, and as I reminded those ladies, not one of them offered to help me plan and not one of them came to my room for any of the meetings I attempted to convene.

If they had so much to say, I reminded them, they had been afforded plenty of opportunity, and chose not to take it.