The Art of Nothing

On September 7th, I will enter the classroom to undertake my 16th year of teaching. I can't believe it's been that long. But I'm no Spring chicken, so there you have it.

Normally, in the summer, I'm taking courses, working (sometimes more than one job), or worse....BOTH. I've had summers that have felt more stressful than school years.

This summer, however, having saved enough money all year to eliminate the necessity for summer work, and having finally completed my courses at UMass Boston, I decided that I would spend the summer doing what millions of teachers around the world do.....NOTHING.

And I truly devoted myself to elevating NOTHING to an art form. I believe that, in taking stock of the past 6 weeks, that I have been wildly successful in that endeavor so far. I haven't perfected the craft yet, mind you. There was that ONE day that I worked at a substitute teacher in a summer school program, and there was that three-day professional development course in early August. But apart from that, I've done absolutely nothing to broaden my academic, educational, or professional horizons. And, in my defense, I got PAID for my participation in both activities, so really, you can't count them as blemishes on my "Do Nada" facade.

When we went to Germany, I almost gave into temptation a few times. Several times I was on the verge of entering a castle or museum, but each and every time, I thought better of it and got myself to a biergarten to wash away the cultural aspirations. I blame the heat for my many near lapses. Sometimes it was an effort to tear myself away from the cathedrals in order to take to the sale racks of H&M, or the self-service area of a local biergarten, but my commitment to my "do nada" goal prevailed in each and every instance. The only real work I did in Germany came in the form of lifting litres of beer to my lips (those bad boys are heavy!) and carrying my backpack around the country (a pain in the neck, literally, but not commanding of any intellectual prowess).

My computer use has pretty much been limited to (I'm borrowing my sister Lauren's word here) Facebook Fuckery. I haven't tried to learn anything or enrich my general knowledge bank in any way shape or form.

I don't watch the news on TV. If I did, I might run the risk of learning something about the world around me. That would put my "do nada" agendal in jeopardy. Speaking of Jeopardy, I love that show, but needless to say, I can't tune in this summer. I might have to showcase my knowledge about an obscure field, or worse yet, LEARN something new. Can't have that now, can we.

I usually listen to NPR, but this summer I've pretty much exclusively listened to Kiss 108. I already knew that California was on the west coast, so when I listen to Katie Perry and Snoop, I am NOT getting a geography lesson. No worries there. When I did listen to NPR yesterday, some woman was talking about how "elevating" the experience of fasting was. She spent a little too long talking about the "outcomes" of the fast, which, as she pointed out, were evident in her toilet bowl. What the what, lady? She urged all of us to "embark" (her word, not mine) on a similar "enlightening" fasting experience. I came home and immediately threw a frozen pizza in the oven and opened up a long neck Bud Light. Fuck that.


Anyway, that's about it for me this summer. If you want to come find me, look for me at the gym, at a local pub, or just hanging out in the sun somewhere. Do not look for me at work, at a library, at a museum, or any other cultural institution. For you will not find me there.