Snow Days

Let me just say that New England is not fit for human habitation. And yet, here I am. When I walk around tempted to call other people idiots and morons for their various transgressions, I'm going to try really hard to remember that I reside here...in New England...where winter lasts for 11 months, 3 weeks, 6 days, 24 hours, and 59 minutes, and 59 seconds a year.

I continue to live in a place where, when my small white car is buried beneath a snow drift, a perspective shoveler will scratch his head and ask, "I'm sorry....where is your car?"

I voluntarily call a place home where, upon waking up in the morning, I am greeted by the radio newscaster announcing, "It's almost 5:00 AM and zero degrees on this Monday morning".

I do this of my own free will. I haven't been sentenced here, much like hardened Russian criminals are banished to the far reaches of Siberia. At least when those jackasses are slipping and sliding around on a layer of permafrost, they can take comfort in knowing that at least they're not dumb enough to actually want to be there. I have no such excuse. My life in New England is not the result of court proceedings or a sentencing hearing.

We're looking at our 4th snow day tomorrow. This is going to extend our school year until June 28th. Has anybody reading this ever tried to keep an 8th grader engaged in learning beyond June 1st (or ever)? Let me tell you, I can predict now, with a certain confidence, that there will be no earthshattering scientific discoveries issuing forth from our middle school science lab on June 28th.

I used to look forward to snow days when I was a kid. It was GREAT to get up and hear the weather guy announce that there was no school in my community. I'd roll over in bed, catch a few more hours of ZZZZs, and then take to the sofa to put a serious dent in the daytime TV lineup.

These days, however, I dread snow. Yes, the occasional snow day is a welcome retreat from the rigors of a full work day. It gives me time to catch up on my grading and to catch a favorite weekday gym class. But at this point, I'm just straight up sick of it. I HATE digging my car out (or shoveling out money for somebody to do it for me). I hate the prospect of having to be in school straight on through the summer. Yes, our contract prohibits the district from having school beyond June 30th, but there's nothing in there to protect our Feb or April vacations. And at this point in my life, I just hate being cold and slipping and sliding all over creation when I open my front door.

At this point, I'm probably going to be making up 2011 snow days until I retire.

Summer.....where are you?