Kiss my Ve Ri T-ASS

I was rejected by Harvard...AGAIN!!

I found out on Sunday through an email. My immediate reaction may surprise you. I was actually quite relieved.

Really.

You see, just that morning I was beginning to absorb the reality of what my life would be like if I were in school full time and not earning an income. I'd have to bid adieu to my beloved gym membership, my regular eyebrow waxing appointments, my frequent Target runs and so many other little things. My occasional iTunes purchases, for example, or my visits to the sale rack at Ann Taylor Loft.

I mean sure, the prestige of attending Harvard would have been great, but I don't do the whole "broke graduate student" thing very well. And why should I? I'm 34, for Chrissakes. I've been professionally employed for 13 years. How could I go back to drinking Milwaukees Best Light when my tastebuds have already been tickles by Czechevar, that oh-so-sweet nectar of the gods.

But OK, as soon as the relief subsided, I became a little indignant about the whole thing. Jesus. Why didn't they accept me? So, I called the admissions office to speak to one of the admissions officers. The woman told me that they were looking to generate a "more diverse student body." I assured her that I bring a very diverse perspective to the conversation. I'm older than the average applicant, for starters. I've had more life and professional experience. I've taught in an language immersion program her in the US. I spent two years teaching overseas, another in urban public education.

My line of conversation seemed to agitate the admissions officer. She told me, "That's not exactly the type of diversity we're looking for." As I pressed her to define "diversity" in terms of what I was lacking, she became increasingly uncomfortable and eventually asked me to told. Several moments later, she came back with a newfound sense of self-assuredness and snapped, "Your math GRE scores were really low."

Keep in mind, I am an English teacher. But rather than belabor the point, I simply said, "I understand" and exited the clearly pointless exchange.

I will stand up and face the people to whom I freely declared, "I think I'll get in. The real challenge shouldn't be the admission, but rather the fellowship." I probably came across as arrogant, although I didn't mean to. So, feel free to serve me up a big slab of humble pie and I'll happily tuck right into it. The rejection took me by surprise, but a little humility was never known to kill anybody.

Seriously though, those Harvard Be-atches don't know what they're missing because I'm fabulous. And that's the troof!!

Ha ha.

But come on....a rejection letter through email. Are they taking a page from Jack Burger, the asshole who dumped our Sex and the City heroine, Carrie Bradshaw, on a post-it note? Apparently so.

So, the plan is to stay the course at Umass Boston. I'm in a course now, and I can take a couple more over the summer. I have 5 years to do what I need to do, so I'm in good shape. And best of all, I get to keep my job and my paycheck. All is right with the world. With my world, that is.

As for the other happenings in my world:

My friend, Sharyn, lent me her hair straightening iron and, boy, has it changed my life. The thing rules. And it is so damn easy to use. If I am saying this gadget is easy, believe me, it is. If you don't have one of these things, I'd highly recommend checking one out.

My friend, Clay, got me to join up to Facebook. I had heard of it, but had no idea how to use it. When I signed up, I was all confused and shit. But with a little practice and frequent exposure to the requisite lingo, I was a seasoned pro. The great thing is that you can search people and then add them as your friends. You can then root around your friends' profiles to see if they have any long-lost acquaintances in common with you. You can then avoid doing the legwork of finding that third party, and just add them to your friends list as well. Genius.

And the best part of all is that you can play Scrabble games with folks. My friend, John, who lives in China (!) and I reconnected through Facebook and we're devout Scrabble mates now. Of course he kills me in every game because he uses these word generators that feed him words like "XDQQXXYQ." This would probably value like 4,000 points. I could use the same things, but I refuse as I'm a game purist...especially for word or language games. Sure, there may be a word, "XXXQQXX" that means "boil on the ass of a newborn rhino, but I've never heard of it, so I won't use it. That's just how I roll.

At this point my track record is that I've lost 23 games and won 2. At least I've lost those 23 games under my own intellectual steam.

Ok, I'm losing typing steam here.

My last thought....check out the "L Word" Showtime series. It's worth watching.