Post Thanksgiving Shopping Frenzy

OK, who's a Turkey now? I am, that's who!
I was convinced, by my, "Hi, I'm up at the Crack of Dawn Every Day" sister to hit the malls early Friday morning. Actually, in her definition, early was being at the mall at 5 AM. I talked her into a 6 AM start time, and the compromise we reached was that we would arise at 5:30 in order to be at the mall at 6. So, this time-of-day thing is all very subjective. I though of this start as being quite early. But, honestly, for my sister, this was already midday. She claims she is up early because of her two kids. Hog wash. She has been waking up the rooster for years!
Anyway, we hit Dunkin Donuts on the way to the Square One Mall in Saugus. I ran in to get us iced coffee. We must be out of our minds. It was frigid out. Whatever!
We get to the mall, and my sister amazing finds parking right at the front door. Rock Star parking. Some people just have that great parking karma. My sister and my friend, Gene, for example.
There were a few people piled up at each of the outside entrances to the Sears store. My sister explained that Sears stores were giving away a 10 dollar gift certificate to the first 100 customers. It was five minutes to opening time, and there looked to be only a few people at each door. "Good for them," I thought. Then we went inside and there had to be at least 400 people waiting in the inside entrance to Sears. Suddenly, the previously saavy-seeming customers outside just looked like total idiots. Not only were they not going to stand a chance of getting the certificate, but they were freezing their asses off while doing it.
Perhaps the stupidest part of the whole venture was that entire extended families were there waiting, presumably with the logic that entire families of 45 could go over and each obtain gift cards, thus earning hundreds of dollars of discounts. Talk about a sure-fire way to get a young kid disenchanted with Christmas. I mean, I'm talking multi-generation stuff here. Everything from Great Grandma fresh from the nursing home ICU with a rolling IV stand, to the woman toting an ultrasound picture of her unborn child, conceived espeically for the occasion, claiming that in the eyes of the Catholic Church, this is a living being and thus entitled to its ten dollar gift card.
Now, I doubt anybody in that crowd had the mathematical genious of say, Stephen Hawking, but even I, self-proclaimed number phobe, could tell that there were way more than 100 people there. Yet, newcomers kept joining the line, unphased by their absolute certainty of NOT getting a gift card.
Anyway, we moved on to the Disney Store where a 47 year old man was dressed in a degrading "uniform" of ill-fitting khakis and polo shirt bearing traces of the previous evening's Thanksgiving feeding frenzy. Gravy stains adorned the face of the embroidered Pluto, while hardened speckles of mashed potato protruded from Donald Duck's beak.
We did hit some bargains there. Disney stores always make me sad, though. Invariably, I run into the size 28 Woman frumpy denim jumper dress with the jovial Minnie Mouse decal on the front bib.
You all know exactly the item I'm talking about.
Anyway, we went into KB Toy where the line literally snaked, three deep, around the entire store. As my sister pointed out, they could be paying customers to be taking the games, and that line still would not be worth the hassle.
We made our way to Best Buy where everything was placed on the wrong display tables. We both walked up to the registers (waited in line for 5 hours), thinking that the SONY 89 inch color plasma TV's that were on the $3.99 table were a great deal. Of course, it turned out that another careless shopper had left them there, and that the asking price was not $3.99, but rather 3,999.99 Oh, ok! We'll be leaving those here, then.
I can't even start bustin' on people for doing that stuff, because I do it all the time. I decide I won't take the 78 karat Tiffany's diamond ring, so I chuck it onto the junk jewel rack where the sign says, "All items, 99 cents" or something. So, I'm going to let that go and just face the fact that with the rate at which customers were trashing that place, the staff were never going to have time to maintain that place properly.
Last but not least, we hit Target. What can I say? Target rules. I'm loving Target! The only complaint that I have about Target is that every single board game was on sale for like 7 dollars, but RISK was still full price. Oh well, I walked out of there with a great pair of gym pants for $5.44. How can you beat that?
Ok, I'm out of here. I am going to my friend, Peters' house to play, you guessed it...RISK!!