A Jones-Tastic Evening!

Last night was my big bachelorette party. The party itself wasn't a secret. Lauren planned it, and she told me the date and time and all the essential details up front. In fact, I provided her a lot of my friends' contact into, etc. Hell, she even told me where the thing was going to take place. I was all prepared for a quiet, mellow night out with some girlfriends. A few drinks. A bit to eat. A few laughs. Sounded perfect.

I arrived at the bar, Madison's on the Avenue, at the appointed hour of 6:30 and immediately noticed my friends, Peter and Michael, standing there. Hmmm....I was a bit surprised by their presence. After all, Lauren had claimed that it would be all girls. It didn't take me long to realize that Meg's boyfriend, Jon, was also in the house, as were Stephen, and Gene, the designated DJ.

As soon as I entered, Gene started spinning some Tom Jones..... a perfect party kick-off if you ask me.

I thought that the Jack and Jill nature of the party might be the extent of the surprise, but even as that thought crossed my mind, my eyes were panning the room, and realizing that there were even more little treats in store.

First of all, a whole collection of old Tom Jones record album covers adorned the walls, showing Jones in a variety of poses and showcasing the variety in his personal styles throughout the span of his decades-long career. There was "sausage in the pants Jones," "Roman-God-being-fed-grapes-by-voluptuous-women Caesar's-Palace Jones," "Contemplative Profile with Mutton Chops Jones" and, of course, "hairy-chested shirtless Jones." These record albums would serve two purposes. First, of course, they were there to decorate the dump. Secondly, later in the evening, there would be a contest where the winners would be allowed to select a Jones album, in which various treats and prizes were hidden. This contest involved Lauren having written down little bits of information about me, and then giving the cards out to people. When I drew a phrase, name, place, the person with the matching card would be allowed to come select an album. I was lucky enough to win once, and I wasted no time in adding the Jones at Caesar's Palace album to my already vast empire of Jones nick-nacks, trinkets, and baubles.

Let me also make mention, right here, of the fabulous cake! Lauren and Trish were in cahoots to put this together. The photo of Jones in the banana hammock, lying there in his full glory, is just WRONG. Jesus, hasn't anybody ever told this clown about WAXING!!?? Becky had a point when she said that Jones could easily have been featured in the VH-1 show about celebs who should NOT be seen in swimwear in public. I think the "help yourself" banner is, quite literally, the "icing on the cake" here.





The even rolled along nicely. There was a great crowd of people, lots of good food, and a generally festive mood.

Still, though, even the genial atmosphere and the addition of my good guy friends to the party, did not constitute the full extent of the surprises Lauren had up her sleeve for this fiesta.

At one point, Maggie, who is planning her own wedding, approached me and engaged me in a very intense conversation about the slings and arrows of wedding preparations. I was so engrossed in what she was saying, and not envying her being in the initial planning phases, that I didn't even notice that there was some interesting activity taking place behind me.

I did hear a hideous bout of feedback coming from the sound system at one point, and immediately lept to the conclusion that Gene was tanked and being incompetent with the DJ equipment. I was going to turn around and bust his chops, but Maggie had me riveted, so I never got around to it.

Just as things quieted down behind me, Gene announced, "Ladies and Gentlemen, this is Tom Jones." Flummoxed, I turned around to see what was up. Why the hell was Gene announcing the arrival of Tom Jones?

Before I Had a chance to truly process that question, this Tom Jones impersonator walked out and took center stage, immedately lapsing into a rousing version of "Its Not Unusual." According to Lauren, in my initial phases of shock, I burst out with, "Jesus! Where the hell did you get this guy?" Apparently I said this right in the guy's face. But, he didnt' seem to be the least bit troubled or phased by it. I'm sure that when you eke out your livelihood by impersonating Jones, you hear that a lot.




Anyway, the above shows Jones just as he entered the room. The onlookers were obviously delighted with the performance. As you can see, the outfit was somewhat dubious (the sanitation worker jacket was a little strange), but I can assure you that the moves and the mannerisms were dead on. The guy could not have been more legit. It was hilarious!!!

Talk about shocking! I had no idea. Lauren kept asking me later if I really was utterly clueless before hand. I am not sure how I can guarantee her that I could never have imagined in my wildest dreams that Jones would show up at my bachelorette party!! Ha ha.



Here is a beautiful action shot, showcasing Jones and his masterful seranading/seduction skills. As you can well see, Lauren, Meg and I were swooning!



Here I am, cutting a rug with Jones! At least, I was trying to cut a rug. I couldn't hold a candle to this chump in the coreogreaphy department.



And finally, the above picture shows me and Jones doing a little duet together. I especially like the fact that the "Got Jones" shirt that Lauren ordered me specifically for the occasion was so prominently on display.

And by the way, yeah, I got Jones!

At any rate, the eats, the company, the entertainment, and the hooch were all first rate.

So...to Lauren, who organized the entire thing and really put a ton of effort into it...THANKS!!!

And to my lovely guests,

Lauren, Gene, Meg, Jon, Stephen, Liz, Kathleen, Bailey, Jackie, Faye, Becky, Reesie, Jules, Maryanne, Karen, Maggie, Maura, Sophia, Beth, E, Julie B., Peter, Michael, Barbara and Jenn (and if I've forgotten anybody I'm sorry!!), THANK YOU!!! It was a night I'll never forget.