Thanksgiving Weekend

Its not really about the Turkey or the family gathering, is it?

Let's face it, Thanksgiving weekend is all about jockeying up for position in line at the stores with the must-have Christmas gift items on Black Friday.

Lauren and I were out at the shops early, early on Friday morning. Actually, she was out earlier than me, and swung by the house to pick me up at 6:00, AFTER she had already hit at least one store. She's always been the one to wake up the rooster, but she outdoes herself on Black Friday morning. To be honest, though, I can't blame her or any parent for taking advantage of the insane toy/kid stuff sales offered super early on black friday morning. I don't have kids, and there really isn't anything I need that desperately to buy at 6:00 on a holiday morning, but I still like to go along for the laughs.

And we had plenty of laughs.

Something that struck me as gross/funny this Black Friday was the fact that so many people at the mall just stunk to high heavens. I mean, I can understand that getting up that early is no joke, and that most people aren't going to go through an entire lengthy grooming ritual just to get to the mall for the early bird specials. But Christ, does it really take that much effort to run a toothbrush over your teeth and throw on a quick layer of deodorant? And how about a swift underwear change? My god, it was repugnant at several stores.

I also had to laugh at the people who think it's appropriate to walk at a good swift clip in one direction, all while they have their head turned squarely in the opposite direction. Usually these selfsame people have shopping carts so full of shit that they couldn't stop it even if they did care to look around and see some poor innocent soul standing in their path of destruction. Next year I'm bringing protective gear to buttress the many shopping carriages that will invariably make violent contact with one part of the other of my body.

And of course there are the charmers with the cell phones out, telling the cashier in the 100 person-long line, "Hang on. My sister/father/uncle/cousin wants me to run back and grab another one of those (insert inane item name here) for him/her. Can I just run back and grab another one? You can wait, right?"

Or I love the idiots who wait in a line similar to the one described above, only to pull out their checkbooks at the very last minute and inquiring as to whom the check should be made out, etc. Jesus, first of all, who pays by check anymore? And never mind that, but why wait until the last second when you've been standing in a line for 7 hours? Is it really necessary to make me wait for even longer than I already have in this godforsaken line?

And there are the people who use the shopping carriages as weapons. You see me walking toward the last of the item that we both want? Well, why not just run over my food with your gift-laden carriage in order to put me out of commission so that, by forced injury, you will get to the item before me?

But seriously, we had a good time. We trashed the dollar store where we were able to procure cheap-o wrapping paper. Of course all of the paper had characters like Shrek and Tinkerbell on it. I can see where Lauren's kids will appreciate it. I'm not sure how I'm going to explain it to my in-laws, who are bound to get their gifts wrapped in Sponge Bob Square Pants paper. Oh well, they'll get over it.





And now, I'm back to grading papers. Essays. The worst. I don't know why I left this until the last minute, but alas, I did.

I had better stop procrastinating here and get my arse to work.

Peace out, YO!