No Way To Treat A Lady

I like to think of myself as a fully independent woman, capable of making my own way in this world. I guess I'm somewhat of a feminist in that I support equal educational, career and social opportunities for women. However, I DO shave my legs and pits, I DO wear makeup when I'm not too lazy, and I DO like to buy pretty lotions at the Body Shop. I do NOT, however, listen to Andrea Dwarkin male-bashing speeches, I do NOT attend feminist rallies, and I do NOT believe that any female over the age of 18 months has any business wearing denim overalls-- particularly if combat boots factor into the outfit equation.

Where do I stand on the whole chivarly thing? What obligations to men have toward women? Tough questions.

What has made me ponder such issues? This question is easy to answer. As you all know, I don't have a car, so I cannot get myself from point A to point B in a nice little cocoon on wheels. My outings involve walking or taking public transportation, which puts me in much closer proximity with far more people on a daily basis. It gives me occasion to observe many facets of human behavior. The topic of interest for me today is that of how m men and women interact. Here are some things I noted today.

8:00 AM: I was walking down my street and a driver pulled up alongside me, looking for directions. (Those of you who know my sense of direction can resume reading once you have finished your laughing fit). His introductory line was, "Hey, Sweetheart, do you know the area?" Now, the man was very nice and appreciative of my help, but if I had been a man, would he have called out, "Hey Sweetheart?" Doubtful. It would likely have been, "Hey, Chief!" (This man just didn't seem like the, "Excuse me, Sir" type.) Or, if the driver had been a woman, would she have called, "Hey Sweetheart?" Most likely not.

8:15 AM: I boarded the bus to the gym and discovered that I had only a $20 bill in my wallet. I had not change. I was not about to pay 20 dollars for the bus, nor was I prepared to get off the bus, go make change, an then wait for the next bus. I explained my quandary to the bus driver, who said, "Don't worry, Honey. Just get on in!" With that, he even gave me a transfer pass, good for a free ride later in the day. I'm pretty sure this guy would have allowed a male passenger to get on for free just as easily, but I don't think he would have called a guy passenger, "Honey."

I'm not complaining about either of these two situations, mind you. I'm just pointing out that sometimes women are treated or spoken to ever-so-slightly differently because we have boobs.

9:00 AM: I arrived at the gym (all-female) for my step class. There are several male personal trainers and fitness instructors at my gym. Today, as they always do when one of these men reports for work, they made an announcement, "Attention Healthhworks Members. A male fitness instructor is now approaching the fitness floor. He will be on the fitness floor from 9 to noon today. We apologize for any inconvenience." They make the same announcement when any man enters the gym, be he a personal trainer, electrician or the guy who fills the water bottle vending machine. Totally asinine in my opinion. Imagine being the electrician or the Coca Cola guy and having to deal with that crap every time you go to that place? You're treated like a common criminal because you were born with a Y chromosome.

11:00: I left the gym and headed down Highland Avenue. Some guy driving a massive Mercury Grand Marquis beater that looks like a retired crash test vehicle literally lifted his entire upper body out of his car to serenade me with a chorus of smooching sounds. Jeez---what a shocker that he's in that car alone. With seduction tactics like that, he's a real romantic tour de force. How do the ladies ever resist? How is this toothless Casanova still on the market?

11:50 AM: I walked by the Dunkin Donuts on Broadway where, through their enthusiastic whistles and "grrrrrr" sounds, the local unemployed male Hispanic contingency convey their approval of my appearance. Could it be the Tevas that so flatteringly cut my leg off at the ankle, adding 10 pounds and stealing 3 inches of height? Could it be my post-gym unwashed hair? Could it be my iced-coffee stained t-shirt? Maybe it is the month-overdue-for-a-pedicure feet? Either way, I'm extremely flattered. It kind of annoys me, to be honest. Why do these jerks believe they have a right, nay- an obligation, to make lude remarks to women? Do they understand that the Earth would continue to spin and that the laws of gravity would remain in effect even if they did not comment on every woman's appearance?

1:00 PM: A man was entering a store just several feet ahead of me. He saw me. We made eye contact. I came within an arm's reach of the man. He entered the store, but not before closing the door in my face. Nevermind male to female politeness. Shouldn't holding the door be covered by a universal human being to human being politeness policy?

1:30 PM: As I exited the same store, I held the door open for a group of 4 men who were right behind me. Not ONE of them uttered even a monosyllabic "thanks." As I always do in these situations, I loudly barked, "You're welcome!" As per usual, this solicited several dirty looks from the offenders. Jesus, my 3 year-old niece employs the words, "please," "thanks" and "sorry" more frequently and with more accuracy that many adults, both male and female.




2: 30 PM: As I made my way on foot to the Cambridgeside Galleria, some guy honked to get my attention. And boy, what a vision! The first thing I noticed were the 2 gold teeth set amid the decaying remnants of the surrounding real choppers. My eye wandered next to the hairnet-covered slicked back wig. I thought I had seen the end of that look when Lou Diamond Phillips sported it in the inspirational early 90s film, "Stand and Deliver" in which an inner city Hispanic teen (Phillips), triumphs over his personal demons and an impossible calculus curriculum with the unwavering support of his dedicated teacher, Mr. Escalante. But alas, the 'do is still alive and well in East Cambridge. Anyway, another attractive element of the getup was the sweat stained wife beater. And I could never forget to mention the hairy chest adorned with the Mr. T. Starter kit medallion collection. The reason I even bother to report on this incident is because this jackass had his wife and kid in the car with him. Utterly despicable. Talk about having NO respect for women. I mean it is bad enough that he feels completely within his rights to harass some random woman on the street, but to do so in the presence of his wife and child just takes the act to an all-time low. Gee, what a lucky little lady his wife is! She sure landed herself a winner!

5:00 PM: I take the bus over to Stephen's place, using the aforementioned free transfer pass. It had long-since expired, but I presented it to the driver strategically folded so as to cover the expire time. Jeez, I'm sure he's never seen this trick before. I'm so clever. I sat near the rear of the bus. It was already pretty crowded. When the bus arrived at Harvard Square, it filled up even more. An elderly woman boarded and all the young able-bodied men who were seated in the front seats under the signs that say, "Please allow aged and disabled passengers to sit here" just ignored the woman. Not a one stirred. Eventually, a teenage girl offered her seat to the woman. In order to reach the seat, the elderly woman had to climb over all the men's backpacks, laptop cases, umbrellas and outstretched limbs. Oh, and of course the bus was moving.

I know this seems hard on men. Even as I write I understand that men have it rough in this day and age. If they hold a door open or offer their seat, will they incur the wrath of an angry woman who will blast them for treating her as though she were weak and helpless? If they don't help out, will a woman think they are impolite and jerky? I do not envy men in that respect.

I also acknowledge that in the cases of holding doors and helping out elderly folks, we should ALL do our part. These are cases of it being right for one person to help another, regardless of gender.

But still, there are times, whether they illicit laughter or annoyance, where I KNOW this would NOT be happening if I were a guy!