Would You Rather...??

I took the day off so that I can go for my root canal this afternoon. The appointment isn't until 2:30, and I'm sure that my fabulous principal would have let me leave school early to get to the dentist on time, but here's the thing..

I'm on some two-part sedative pill therapy. I took the first one last night before going to bed and I'll take the second one today one hour before the procedure. The doctor promises that it will calm me down and leave me with a heightened feeling of relaxation. I'm kind of expecting to walk in there all calm, with images of kitties prancing through pastures and shit dancing through my head, but then going into full panic mode once I catch the first glimpse of a dental instrument of torture.

I had no choice but to take the whole day off. I'm already a basket case. It would not have been a good day around the kids. I would have felt really badly with them having to put up with me in this state of anxiety.

So I'm hanging out at home and I'm watching the Law and Order SVU marathon. (Jesus, is there ever NOT an Law and Order SVU Marathon on?)

I'm watching the victims and perps in these episodes fret over their problems, and I'm thinking, "Yeah...that's nothing. I gotta get a freakin' ROOT CANAL! How do you think I feel."

I'm seriously thinking that all of the "hardships" I've seen on this show so far would be welcome alternatives to what I'm facing in the dental chair later today.

I'm inspired by that game, 'Would You Rather?"

Here are a few Law and Order/Dental Surgery "Would You Rather" scenarios:

1. Would you rather:
A. Be pushed down a flight of New York City cement subway stairs?
B. Endure a Root Canal?

Personally, I'm gonna have to go with the subway stairs.

2. Would you rather:
A. Be murdered and then have your organs harvested and sold by black market low-lifes?
B. Endure a Root Canal?

I'm gonna have to say that I'm all for organ donation. I'll go for A.

3. Would you rather:
A. Have a stalker track your every move and terrorize you at every turn?
B. Endure a root canal.

I'm thinking that as long as my stalker isn't a dentist, I'll easily opt for A.

4. Would you rather:
A. Be kidnapped by a disgusting pervert and taken in a van all over New York City?
B. Endure a root canal.

You know, New York is a great city, and travel by subway has the disadvantage that you can't really enjoy the sights. At least in the van I might catch a glance of the Statue of Liberty and the Empire State Building. I'm going to have to opt for A again.

5. Would you rather:
A. Have your apartment completely torn apart by angry police officers with a search warrant?
B. Endure a root canal.

I'm going to have to go for A. I need some redecoration inspiration. Maybe the upturning of my sofa and the hurling of my bookshelves to the other side of the room would be like an interior decorating muse.

6. Would you rather:
A. Face hours on end of police interrogation?
B. Endure a root canal.

All the TV shows I watch show the cops giving their interrogation subjects sandwiches and coffee. How bad could that be? I'm going to have to go with A.

7. Would you rather:
A. Find our that your high school aged kid is running a drug smuggling ring out of the school bathroom?
B. Endure a root canal.

At least the high school kid will be taken to jail and out of your hair. Just think, an extra bedroom to turn into a home office. I'm going to have to opt for B again.

8. Would you rather:
A. Be the victim of identity theft?
B. Endure a root canal.

Hey, if somebody so badly wants to be me, they can even go and have my stupid root canal. I'm all about A.

Do you see a trend in my answers?