Idol Chit Chat

So, Jovi's on Idol tonight. I'm actually writing this in "real time." (Commenting during the commercials as the show is on.)

Jon Bon Jovi is just the quintessential nice guy, isn't he? He won't say anything negative about anybody. The one borderline disapproving thing he said was that he wasn't sure it was wise for the beatbox jerk to go 16 measures without singing on a show that is meant, after all, to showcase vocal talent.

I , of course, am hardly Saint Jovi, so I will definitely take advantage of this opportunity and use this forum to filet the contestants.

Let's start off with the Justin Timberlake wannabe guy with the bald head and the dead caterpillar eyebrows.

He did "Blaze of Glory" and was, I thought, pretty damn good. Of course, Simon was critical of his "bad actor impersonation" of a rock star.

But whatever, I didn't think the guy was that bad.

Then there was the 17 year old woman who was all psyched to meet Jon Bon Jovi because HER MOTHER is a big fan. Could I really be getting so old that my favorite rock singer is the hearthrob of the MOTHER of a 17 year old?

Anyway, she sang, "Livin' on a Prayer" and was, in my humble opinion, pretty crap. She was changing all the notes, and didn't even seem to be hitting the notes she set out to hit. She was slammed by Simon. At least she had the sense to agree with his criticism and admit that she was crap. I gotta give her some props for that.

Ok, then came LaKisha, who admittedly had never even heard a single Bon Jovi tune in her life. She's heard of them, but has never heard a single track by them. I thought that was pretty funny. Anyway, she did "This Ain't a Love Song." At the beginning, I thought she sounded like a dead fish, but she did really well at the end. Really well.

I thought they'd crucify her for sounding hideous at the beginning, but Simon actually kissed her. What the hell is up with that?

As for the beatbox dude doing the rap version of "You Give Love a Bad Name." Jesus, what was going on there? I can't believe he had the audacity to screw up a Bon Jovi classic. As Simon said, though, "half the audience will absolutely love it and half will absolutey hate it." Count me among the haters!!

Ok, now there is some guy I've literally never seen on the show before sounding like a dying cat and "singing" to Jovi's classic, "Dead or Alive." I think, based on this hideous performance, they should skip the voting and kick this asshole off the show right now. I envision some big hook coming out to the stage to drag him off into oblivion.

Randy is now calling the guy "baby" and admiring the "twists and turns" he placed on the song. Even Simon is being somewhat forgiving, giving the guy some wiggle room because this isn't his style of music.

Before the next person comes on, and while I have a minute to opine...

I've always thought of myself as being possessed of a "good ear." How else would I have become so good at speaking French? How would I have become fluent in German within a year of living there? As far as I am concerned, you can't learn a language with any proficiency unless you have an excellent ear to hear what people are saying. I think of myself as having a pretty good ear for music and such, too.

The thing, is, though, that I always think I can immediately tell that these people haven't hit a single correct note in a song or whatever, and that they sound like they're singing through the world's worst head cold. The ones that I think are the worst, are the ones who earn even the coveted kudos of Simon.

Then the ones I think are pretty good are systematically berated by the panel...even Paula.

Ok, so this woman Melinda just went and sang "Have a Nice Day." Jon Bon Jovi loved her. (He loved all the black women in the competition.) She was good, and she is incredibly talented, but her voice (the big, powerful black woman voice) is just somewhat unoriginal, isn't it? I mean, of all the folks here, she is undoubetedly the most talented...hands down. I just ask myself what is so different about her?

Ok, now George W Bush just appeared on the show. Christ, I was enjoying it up to that point!




I just want to make one more, non-Jovi related point before closing out for the night.

What is up with Simon's hair? I mean, he isn't a bad looking dude. He has really nice teeth. But hasn't anybody suggested to him that he might want to blend the sides and not have the "Sponge Bob Square Wig" look?

I mean, you can't tell me the guy doesn't have the loot to stop into a freakin' Supercuts and have that taken care of.