I Know I'm Not Perfect, But At Least I Don't....

Sometimes I feel kind of bitchy about judging people and jumping to conclusions about people whom I've never even spoken with.

Then I see how some people behave in public and I think to myself, "Jesus, if he's not embarrassed to do that in front of perfect strangers, should I really be ashamed about being judgmental." I think not.

Below is a list of the things I've seen people do in the recent past. I will list the the offensive behavior and, in some cases, reveal the offender(s.)

So, the theme of my list is this:

I KNOW I'M NOT PERFECT, BUT AT LEAST I DON'T........

Clip my fingernails on vehicles of public transportation. Is this not just completely vial? Disgusting? Offensive in the purest sense of the word? Revolting? I think so too. And yet, I've seen it many times. Why just today I saw it twice. A woman on the bus decided to bust out the clippers today, and to round out my experience, a woman on the train did the same during my evening commute. Jesus Christ, this is just nasty. I waste no opportunity to give an absolutely seething glare to anybody engaged in this atrocious act. Sometimes I become tempted to put my iPod on and drown out the noise, but then I think better of it. I always opt to keep my five senses fully tuned in so as to avoid being hit by errant nail clippings. I'm still waiting for some asshole to start clipping their toenails on the bus. I'm sorry, but the nasty look will be cast aside in favor of the, "You've got to put those nasty ass hamhocks away" comment!

Thrust my arm viciously in front of somebody at the check-in counter at the gym and reach for a towel. The next time I'm tempted to do something silly like say, "Excuse me, pardon my reach," I think I'll just knock some poor unsuspecting gym member over with my arm-come-deadly-weapon.

Throw a colleague's photocopy job off the copier in the middle of its processing in order to make my own copies. Yeah...somebody did this to me at work today.

Ask somebody if they're waiting to get to the milk stand at Starbucks only to ascertain an answer of "yes" but proceed to push ahead of them anyway.

Send annoying political emails to people whose views I know to be completely divergent with my own, and then get offended if they respond negatively or with an opposing viewpoint.

Spit. Ever.

Smoke.

Smoke directly in the doorway of a public building.

SCREAM down my cellphone on public transportation. (Have you ever noticed that the assholes speaking on the cellphone nearby when you're in public never appear to be engaged in a two-sided conversation, but rather a lengthy and emotional monologue, prompting them to speak loudly without pause and seemingly without any feedback or reason to pause from the person on the other end?)

I don't drive, but if I did, I WOULD USE MY FREAKING TURN SIGNALS SO THAT PEDESTRIANS WOULD KNOW WHEN THEY COULD CROSS THE FREAKIN STREET!!!!

Turn colleauges into the principal.

Talk ceaselessly about football.

Go tanning and try to pawn off my leathery orange skin as "natural."

Snap gum. Ever!

Say "axe" instead of "ask" or "liberry" instead of "library."