Sunday, January 13, 2008

I Thought It Was Supposed to be CELEBRITY Apprentice!

I know my readers look forward to my early-in-the-season commentary on each individual contestant in the Donald Trump Show. I am sorry I have kept you waiting for so long. I admit that I should have gotten on with this much sooner!

I don't know, I guess I just don't feel all that motivated to take pen to paper (or in this case, finger to keyboard) to scribe a lengthy missive about a thus far lackluster season of the Trump Show. I am trying to muster up my normal "Donald Trump Show" enthusiasm, and I'm tuning in each week (even giving up Grey's Anatomy....which I can watch on Friday online anyway), but I feel like I'm just going through the motions. In place of my usual excitement is a feeling of utter confusion. I thought this was being touted as the Celebrity Apprentice. I thought I might actually recognize a few of the contestants, but I'm at a loss as to even begin to attempt to recognize these slobs. Of course there are a few I know. How could I not, for example, know Gene Simmons or Elaine from Taxi? Jesus, if I were to plead ignorance about those two, you could easily surmise that I had spent the past 34 years under a rock. More about Simmons and Elaine from Taxi later. First, let me launch into my commentary by addressing the overrated nobodies and has-beens that are trying to lay claim to celebrity status on this show.



Let's talk about this woman, Jennie Finch. She is supposedly some Olympic gold medalist in softball or something. That's all well and good, but I haven't even heard this woman utter a syllable throughout the first two episodes. I wish I could comment on something more substantial about this woman's intelligence, stupidity, talent...whatever. But so far, she's given me nothing to work with. Ok, she does have nice hair, but Gene Simmons, who has led his team to victory twice thus far, has certainly gone above and beyond to prove that good hair is not a prerequisite to a task victory. So, I'm keeping my eye on Jennie. I'll give her one more episode in which to say something, before declaring her formally dead from the neck up...except for the hair, of course.



This bopo, Piers Morgan is the biggest mystery to me. WHO THE HELL IS THIS CHUMP? I've never seen him. Never heard his name uttered or muttered by anybody of any importance. Never even heard of the show in which he allegedly has some kind of role. He's a judge on "America's Got Talent." I can only draw the conclusion that it must be some asinine reality talent show or some such. The funny thing is that this dude is a total talentless ass clown, so I see the humor and irony in his thinking that he is in any kind of position to judge anybody's ability. Not to mention, he seems like an arrogant asshole. I can't wait for this jerk to get canned.



Once again, let me reprise the question, "Who the hell is this person?" in connection with Nely Galan. One more lip enhancement procedure and this broad's not even going to be able to open up her mouth to speak. Hmmm.....let me try to find her plastic surgeon's name and number so I can book the appointment myself. I would be quite happy with this fool off the show. She was absolutely moronic to call Carol Alt into the board room with her last episode. Alt was just plodding along doing whatever she was told to do, while Elaine from Taxi was busying herself with mucking up the entire project. And this Nely clown doesn't even bring Elaine from Taxi back into the boardroom with her. Stupid! I give her two more weeks TOPS!



Tito Ortiz. Another big question mark for me. Ultimate fighter. What the hell does that mean? So, not only do I have non clue who this fool is, but I haven't the slightest idea as to what ultimate fighting is...or how/why somebody can get "famous" doing it. He's another one that just doesn't seem to have much going on between the ears.



Onto Trace Adkins. All I can do is shrug my shoulders on that one. Again, no freakin' clue. I guess he's some country singer or something. He seems like he might actually not be a complete moron, so I'm holding out some hope for him.

And onto the rest of the slobs whom I didn't have enough room to post pictures of...

Carol Alt is kind of so attractive that she's scary, or so scary that she's attractive. I haven't quite figured it out yet, but I'm working on it. She has already been to the boardroom twice (albeit under bogus circumstances last time), so I don't see a long sojourn on the Apprentice for old Carol. Besides, eventually she's going to get exhausted trying to support her massive head of hair and she'll need a break from the pressures of the tasks.

Stephen Baldwin. Hi...can we say OBNOXIOUS. I am dying for this asshole to do something stupid and get canned so I don't have to listen to him anymore! The thing that I'm hoping for is that when his group loses eventually, some major responsibility might get pinned on him because he's such a bossy little creep.

Nadia Comaneci. Thank god this broad was already canned. Talk about dead weight. I guess she was such a great gymnast because there was nothing in her head to weigh her down and prohibit her from doing all her jumps and flips.

Tiffany Fallon. Here's somebody who actually seemed kind of normal. I guess that's why Trump had to can her. Ratings, ratings, ratings!

Elaine Nardo from Taxi: This broad doesn't look too bad, to be honest with you. She kind of shit the bed in the last task, and she also seems a bit pushy. She might just find herself on the chopping block soon. Too bad because she's one of the people I can actually stomach for more than 3 seconds in a row.

Lenox Lewis: Is this guy just going to be the perfect jerk to boss around or what? It seems like he could open up a can of whoop-ass and tell his teammates who's boss. Instead, he does everything they tell him to and never protests. From degrading himself to selling photos of himself with hotdog stand customers, to blindly obeying his orders to act in the Animal Shelter commercial, this clown is his team's bitch!

Omorosa: I think somebody should tell Trump he made a mistake and put Omorosa on the women's team.

Vincent Pastore: Never heard of the guy. I know he was on the Sopranos, but I was not an HBO subscriber, remember. Totally obnoxious.

Gene Simmons: In reading Simmon's biography, I was surprised. He is multi-lingual and seems to have quite the head on his shoulders. Too bad he's using it to cultivate that particular hair style, but hey, whatever. I think the guy seems totally arrogant, but he is rather funny to watch.

That's my early impression of this season.

What do you think? Any early predictions?

5 comments:

Mo said...

I'm having a difficult time with it too! I mean, if we were vying for points it might be more interesting to watch...but it bores the heck out of me!!

I did not give up Grey's for the Celeb App. They repeated Apprentice on Saturday night anyway...and even though I only get 4 channels of UHF and hadn't seen it...I still managed to flip for something better!!

I love how next week they are touting the fact that Alec Baldwin will be on...seriously...they've already jumped the shark!!! I can't believe that Trump is behind this...and says it's the best one ever!!!

Anonymous said...

This season is crap. I got a kick out of Simmons trying to hit on Ivanka, that was the best part so far

JoviFan said...

Do you really think Trump is actually behind it? I mean, he has to act like it doesn't suck, doesn't he?

Mo said...

I guess he just believes in himself...honestly...I wouldn't put my name on this shlock!! It's pretty sad when the 2nd week in you could care less about watching. He went on all sorts of shows to promote it-and it's just nonsense. They were going to cancel the show altogether, but I think the impending writer's strike backed the network into a corner. This season was done quickly as a mid-season replacement just in case the strike went through. If the writer's strike hadn't happened, and they still shot this show...it would have been aired in the summer, or there would have been LOTS o' editing. If there were more time to do it they could have gotten a lot more famous people on it as well. This was a last minute rush deal and it just blows!!!

Somebody PLEASE give the writer's what they want!! Enough already!!!

Juanita said...

Oh GIRL! I am so glad that someone younger (much younger) than myself has no idea who these people are either. Although I will admit to remembering Nadia from her Olympic glory days. Yes, that's how old I am. And I remember Gene when he had a big ol' tongue and a star over his eye, (that WAS him, right?) Kind of hard to believe that he turned out to be Mr. Businessman-with-Hair-As-Bad-As-Trump, but there you go.

Geez, will the stinking writer's strike ever END?