Maybe you haven't heard the news. Maybe you live in a cave or under a rock somewhere. Perhaps you call the middle of the most remote corner of the Australian Outback home. Maybe you're stuck in the past, sometime before the advent of television, radio, cell phones, internet and, hell, even the printing press.
Senator Ted Kennedy of Massachusetts is suffering from a malignant brain tumor.
Yes, this is tragic. Sure, I feel bad for Kennedy (even though he left a woman to die under the ocean of Cape Cod while he went home to sleep one off) and his family. And yeah, when I first heard the news I saw surprised.
But here's the problem.....
THE DETAILS OF KENNEDY'S ILLNESS ARE BEING POSTED/ANNOUNCED/WRITTEN ABOUT EVERY TWO SECONDS. It is horrible. The moment I turn on the TV, log onto the internet or tune into the radio, the latest Kennedy news is being broadcast.
Senator Kennedy is resting comfortably in his hospital at this hour.
Senator Kennedy is said to be watching the Red Sox with his family in his hospital room.
Senator Kennedy has ordered dinner from Legal Seafood.
Senator Kennedy has ordered his senatorial staff back to work today.
Senator Kennedy has requested that he be discharged from the hospital.
And today, as he's driving home, helicopters are following overhead giving the play by play.
Senator Kennedy is turning left.
Senator Kennedy just flashed another driver the finger
Senator Kennedy just mooned another motorist out the back window.
Senator Kennedy pulled over to take a piss on the side of the road.
I'm not kidding you guys...it is THIS bad. I have never wanted to know this much about any person, let alone Senator Kennedy.
As I said, I'm not without compassion for anybody dealing with illness; I just don't want a detailed journal of their every bowel movement!
5 comments:
I was just watching FOX and they said that Sen Kennedy is home watching American Idol.
They just announced that Steven Tyler is going into a rehab. That might take some heat off Kennedy.
We're getting Kennedy coverage out here, but not with the intensity of you Massachutseans (???) Massachusites(???) Masedonians (???).
And I SO want to see Steven Tyler on celebrity rehab.
I bless the day I found your blog, Nants, you are so freaking funny. As Laurita said, we're not getting the Kennedy coverage here. Perhaps this is yet another reason to move to the great Midwest, aka The Promised Land, aka The Land of Semi-Polite Bus Drivers, aka Free Parking Mecca...
Oh we get the coverage here! I was listening to how his dogs are making him feel beter! As you said I do feel for him but not in every breath that I take!! yikes!!
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