All in a Name

As most of my faithful readers know, I am anxiously awaiting the upcoming premier of season 5 of NBC's The Apprentice

For some reason, which I still can't put my finger on, I freakin' love this show! I am not quite sure whether I started watching it straight away at the beginning of the first season, or whether I just caught it one night during a random TV watching fest.

In any event, it quickly became my favorite show and is the only show that I really have to see each week.

My awesome cousin, Reesie, is now "hosting" an online Yahoo Apprentice game which promises to be pretty fun.

Anyway, Reesie told us that we could commence with the round of questions for the first week. At first I thought I was not able to view video clips from NBC on my Mac, so I went in and blindly made my decisions and predictions. If you read my following post, you will see that I have discovered a way to view the clips, and so I did go and edit a few answers based on what I saw.

The funny thing is, though (and here comes the significance of the title of today's post), when I first looked at the names of the list of contestants, my stomach lurched when I saw that there were players by the names of Brent and Bryce vying for the Apprentice position.

I immediately went to Reesie's blog and posted a comment in which I stated for an absolute fact, in spite of never having met this Bryce character, or in spite of not even having seen his video, that this guy would be a 100% certifiable ASSHOLE!

How did I know? Come on folks...

Anybody named Bryce is a total jerk. There are certain names that carry attributes with them, but in some cases, a person with that particular name will manage to avoid those attributes. Bryce, however, is like dye permanently cast. The moment you name your child Bryce, you have stamped him forever with the following attributes:
egotism, arrogance, self-righteousness, harsh critical view of everybody around him, superiority complex, inflated sense of self, meanness and just straight up nastiness.

There's no way around it.

As for the Brent guy, I was willing to admit that he might be a nice guy, but that 9 out of 10 Brents are like Mini-Bryces. Meaning, of course, that they are possessed of many of the same character flaws as our Bryce friends, but to a somewhat lesser extent.

Now, getting back to my newly discovered ability to watch the audition clips of the contestants...

The first thing I did was click into Bryce's audition. I was going to really have to eat crow if I was wrong.

There will be no crow served up for dinner in the Jovifan household tonight, my friends.

This guy Bryce is a complete arrogant asshole. In his interview he asks the questions, "Am I spoiled? Hell yes!" (I hate when people communicate by asking themselves questions and answering them!! More and more people seem to be electing this communication style these days and it has to stop, people!) He proceeds to tell us how he had a 40,000 dollar car for high school graduation and some Mercedes for college graduation. He then goes on to explain that he lived in a $200,000 home in college to establish in-state residency. I smell a rat here. If a kid tries to establish in state residency,it is usually because the university is expensive and in state tuition is cheaper. If he was swimming in the money like that, what's up with the in state residency farce? I'd be all over him with that one.
This guy is going to be a major DICKHEAD. And I hate that word. But there you have it. I can tell he'll be around for a few weeks because he'll totally piss people off and it will be great for the ratings.

We can't expect the Donald's toupee to do all the ratings-gaining work! Somebody has to help the brother's piece out. It can't always be center stage!

But I'll tell ya, the accuracy with which I was able to peg this guy's personality even before I heard him open up and spill forth his verbal diarrhea, based on his name alone, is pretty tell-tale of the fact that a name can say so much!

Here are a few thoughts on the candidates as I've judged them based upon their initial interview clips.

1. Sunny: The funny thing about the women is that in each one of their interviews, they were asked to rate themselves in terms of looks, sexuality or both. I don't recall the men having to comment upon this topic. Anyway, this Sunny chick is a restaurant owner who states proudly that she loves her own body. She seems OK, I guess, but I couldn't really figure out what substance they got from her except that she loves her body and looks good in a bikini. What that has to do with her business ventures remains to be seen.

Tammy: Tammy is another one of these people who asks herself a question and then answers it. I hate that! She has the fake raspy voice, like Sarah Vancouver in The Bachelor. Also, she has some pretty extreme freakin eyebrows! They look great, but they are not simply shaped, they are freakin' sculpted with crowbars and shit.

Allie: I know this will bum Lauren out, but this girl is an annoying, mousy, "I-rely-on-my-looks-to-flirt-my-way-into-or-out-of-any-situation" bimbo. Sure, I get the whole Harvard MBA thing, but I don't see it. I hope she is one of the first ones to go, for if I have to listen to that valley girl drone for an entire season of the Donald Trump show, I'll surely go more insane than I already am!

Andrea She seems annoying. She sells stickers and t-shirt.

Bryce: Loud, obnoxious and really disgustingly slovenly looking. Again, all in a name!

Charmain I guess she seems ok, but she was another one rambling on about how her looks have helped her out in the business world. Actually, of all the women, I think I might have liked her the best. That's not saying much, Charmain, so if you're reading this, don't be that flattered!

Dan: Just like his name, totally unexceptional and unmemorable.

Lee: No recollection

Lenny: A self-made, pulled-himself-up-by-his-bootstraps Russian immigrant who made it big. I think the Donald has a weakness for the eastern block women. Let's see if it applies to Sylvester Stallone look-alike Russians.

Tareck: At first he annoyed me, but I quickly realized that he seems to have a sense of humor about himself. He seems ok.

Theresa: Totally class-less slutty stereotypical psycho-therapist. They show her sitting there, hair pulled into a tight bun, black horn rimmed glasses sitting at the edge of her nose as she seductively takes notes on her patient (probably an 80 year old male whose having a heart attack as she leans over him, reavealing her boobies!) She seems like a totally arrogant jerk and I can't wait for her to get canned!

Roxanne: She is my pick for the season. She actually seems smart and unlike all the other women, she did not talk about her sexuality. She seems to have a little more self respect than the other women.

One of the guys has a British accent. He seems really arrogant, but just like the kind of guy who might make it in this thing. I can't wait!

Bring it on BRYCE!!!

Crap, my spell checker isn't working!

Am I FIRED??