The older the fiddler, the sweeter the tune

This is an old English proverb meant to make us feel better about our fleeting youth. Ah....I don't think its working.

I don't actually think about aging all that often. I have been thinking it over for the past day or two thanks to Lauren, who called me a couple of days ago to tell me that she and John had pretty much made up their collective mind to get a mini-van. She was lamenting her youth, having resigned herself to what she considered to be the "fact" that driving a mini-van = real parenthood = getting older. While I don't necessarily agree with her that driving a mini-van somehow pushes one over the paper thin line between youth and "maturity", I have to respect her perception. If, in her mind, mini-van driving ushers in the dreaded adulthood and demise of youth, then so be it.

This is a very personal thing.

Working with teenagers provides me with an almost constant reminder of the fact that I am getting older.

Just a few examples of the cruel and persistant reminders...



1. Music: When I was a kid, I used to always think adults were such losers for not having any clue as to what was cool and current in music. I promised myself that as I got older, I would always keep my finger on the pulse of new music and never be so close-minded and ignorant about what was new and hip (or, as Paris Hilton would say, "hot."). I have failed miserably in this effort. Actually, I never really even put an effort into it, so I really managed to drop the ball there.

I remember when I was a freshman in college and Bill Clinton was running for President. I loved the guy, so I was going to vote for him not matter what, but I remember being really concerned about Tipper Gore's efforts to place "warning" labels on CDs to let parents know of objectionable lyrical content. I thought Tipper Gore must assuredly be some right wing Republican in disguise. I mean, come on...censorship? What about the first amendment, man?

I have to say, however, that I now recoil at some of the lyrics in songs I hear the kids listening to. Sex acts, violent escapades and episodes of binge drinking and drugging are described in explicit detail and the kids sing right along. And they're not singing the lyrics with an empty, confused look on their faces; they understand this crap!

I am still a major proponant of the first amendment, and I would never favor government censorship of a music group, but I feel like I want to ask Eminem and Kanye West and who ever the hell else these people are if they would not mind just being "nice young men and women" and leaving the cursing out of their lyrics. I remember my teachers telling me that a person who swears might as well just announce to the world that he/she is not bright enough to think of an alternative way to express him/herself. I thought they were total dorks, but now I can see their point.

That total overrated nobody, Jamie Foxx, was on Oprah a few weeks ago. I watched the show, in spite of the fact that I HATE when Oprah has celebs. on her show. I was at the gym and I didn't have my iPod with me, so I had little choice. Anyway, Foxx starts singing some cheesy ass song about how his daughter is some heaven-sent angel or some crap. Whatever. Although the song made me want to vomit, there was nothing offensive about it. Later, however, Foxx "treated" us to anoter of his new songs, but this time he started boasting about his sexual abilities and the fact that he would never lower himself to missionary position during a bout of lovemaking.

Did I really need to know this? Is this supposed to get me all hot and bothered? Well, the bothered part was definitely achieved, but the hot part..well, if I had not been sweating up a storm because of a hard session of cardio on the treadmill, the hot element would have fallen seriously short.

2. In a continuation of this theme, I can't believe the crap kids are watching on TV. They can't do their homework, but they can stay up and watch Law and Order SVU, and these shows about crime scene investigation. They all watch the HBO show "OZ" and then report to school the next day to advise me of the most essential elements of prison survival tactics. Do I look like I need to know that if I "snitch" my fellow inmates will slice my face open from my mouth to my ear, leaving me with a telltale scar that will forever identify me as a "snitch?"

I want to tell the kids to go do their civics homework, that those skills are going to be more important in their adulthood than prison survival tactics. But then I consider whom I'm talking with and I can't be so sure that this is sound advice. Maybe some of these kids need some "streed cred" advice before their inevitable stints in the clink. Far be it from me to detain them from learning the skills that will really help them get ahead in life.

Back to my point..I am obviously getting old. I'm regularly expressing shock about those "inappropriate" shows and songs.

3. When my students slip up and call me "Mom," I just answer. I used to be horrified by the thought of a teenager mistaking me with somebody old enough to be their mother. Now, however, I don't even blink an eye when they call me "Mom." I just answer. Clearly a sign of aging.

4. I wear my big bulky fleece vest in my freezing cold school. No vanity. No worries that I look to be the size of the side of a barn when I have this thing on. I don't care that is is purple and matches almost none of the clothing I own. I think part of getting older is not caring what the hell you look like. That is going on here for sure!

5. In preparing to leave my apartment this morning, I realized that the patch of floor underneath my plant stands was really dusty and needed a sweeping. I was so bugged by it that I almost went and got the broom to sweep the area right then and there. But I had to refrain from doing so because that would have required my moving all the plants, and the plant stands and running later than I already was. So, I ignored the problem and walked out the door. I swear to you, I thought all day long about getting my hands on that damn broom. I thought about it all day in school, all through my workout at the gym, and all the way home. When I finally did get home, I got right on the broom before even removing my jacket. Also, I was desperate to use the bathroom, but I still swept before even going to the can.

This has to be a sign of old age. What carefree young thing would even let herself be slightly bothered by a little dust on the floor? A carefree young thing would be thinking about making plans to see friends after the gym. This old hag was dreaming about sweeping, taking a hot shower, putting my washed dishes away, getting into my pajamas, watching some boob tube and getting some sleep!

6. I went into the Whole Foods shop a few days ago to hit the salad bar because I was craving, get this...Brussels Sprouts. If that isn't about the furthest thing removed from being young, what the hell is? Brussels sprouts???? An extra trip the store to get Brussels sprouts???? OK, I'm definitely going to get some brochures to geriatric assisted living facilities tomorrow.

7. I watch PBS and listen to NPR fanatically. When I was young, I used to think people who listened to public radio and watched public TV were total dorks. And yet, here I am, regularly checking out the PBS program schedule and listening to NPR every night when I go to bed. I also often download NPR shows to listen to while I'm working on my computer. Now being no excpetion!

I guess what I'm really getting at here is that I ain't getting any younger. Although I like my career, teaching does bring with it that inevitable drawback that my own aging process is painfully evident. Every September, things start over. The kids keep coming, but they are always 13. I am always one more year further away from 13. When I first started teaching, I was 8 years older than these 13 year-olds. Now, I am 18 years older than them.

The one thing that is positive about my age is that is allows me to pull rank. When I was in my 20s, the kids thought of that as young. There is something magical about the 30's, though. Kids think of people in their 30s as being "old." When the kids act like total jerks and start mouthing off to me, I launch into this approximate conversation with them..

Me: Is this how you speak to your friends?

Kid: (defensively) Yeah!

Me: How old are you?

Kid: 13!

Me: Yeah, well, I'm 32 and the last thing I need in my life is a 13 year-old friend, so if that's how you speak to your friends, realize very quickly that I'm not your friend and speak to me like I'm a teacher!"

For some reason, this really shuts them up and usually I never have to have that conversation with that particular offender again!

A woman at the gym the other night told me, "Wow! You look wicked young for 32!" She was in her early 20s. I asked her, "I thought 32 WAS wicked young." She just kind of looked at me, head cocked to one side in an expression of bemusement. Then, realizing what was going on, she said, "Oh yeah. Sure. Yeah, 32 is really young."

Then she bounded off on her not-sore knees. I'm sure she was feeling like her good deed for the day was done in stroking the ego of her elder.

(I just realized my spell check isn't working. Sorry!)