The DaVinci Code....Uncrackable

In spite of the horrendous reviews received by little Opie Cunningham's film interpretation of Dan Brown's bestseller, "The DaVinci Code", Stephen and I, like the true lemmings we are, joined millions of Americans in queuing up last night to see the movie. (We did have one free pass given to us by a friend, but still, we contributed to the opening weekend hype.)

Oddly enough, we almost never go to see movies in the theatre. In the almost three years that we've been dating, I think we've been to the cinema together twice. And, as I said before, we were both aware of the crappy reviews. For some reason that I can't quite figure out now, we still decided to go see it.

Anyway, if you're worried about any possible spoilers, you can cast that fear aside and read on.

You see, we sat there, through the VERY long film, waiting for those critical, "code-breaking" moments to come up, mentally sorting through the interminable piles of historical facts and data presented throughout the film in preparation of the big scenes. The real drama occurred when, during all three "big" secret-revealing scenes, the sound went completely out. I mean, there was the film, plodding along before us, secrets being unearthed left and right, and we weren't able to hear a single sound.

Three times this happened.

I was wondering if we were on candid camera or if Cunningham, knowing that everybody had already read the book, simply decided to cut back on sound production costs by having the audience improvise their own dialogue. Was I supposed to have brought my copy of the book along in order to fill in the dialogue on my own?

Very funny stuff!

You'd think people would be angry, right? Actually, most of my fellow moviegoers were laughing and shouting out cheeky dialogue of their own.

It was just so perfectly timed at one point, though. Tom Hanks and Audrey Tatou had just figured out that her character was a very central figure in the mystery of the DaVinci code. Hanks was about to explain the whole thing to Tatou, and in this dramatic build up toward the ultimate revelation, he said, "Sophie, you have to understand that you are...." NO SOUND!

Don't rush out and see this movie if you don't want to walk out feeling as if you've wasted 2 hours and 29 minutes of your life and 10 dollars of your hard-earned salary. It would make a decent rental at some point, but really folks, take it from me..save your time and cash.

I liked this review in the Boston Globe...

"Nothing really works. It's not suspenseful. It's not romantic. It's certainly not fun," said Stephen Schaefer of the Boston Herald.

"It seems like you're in there forever. And you're conscious of how hard everybody's working to try to make sense of something that basically perhaps is unfilmable."

That pretty much sums it up as far as I'm concerned.



I have to comment upon the albino guy, Silas, though, before closing out. He was such a dork! I have also read that Albinos are making fun of the film because Albino's are afflicted with poor eyesight, and yet this clown is going around the world, sneaking up on people in dark places and essentially working as a spy and assassin.

Ha ha!

In general, the movie was dull. The DaVinci Code book was pretty good. It was a real page-turner and there were some pretty suspensful elements. But, you had to be willing to read through the art history stuff (which I enjoy anyway), and I think it was even more exciting for me because I know Paris and was able to relate to the places described.

The film, however, often got lost in art/historical explanations and because of the constant dim lighting, was boring and exhausting. Even Tom Hanks, whose presence on the big screen has become so commonplace as to inspire pre-release critique that he might taint the film's integrity by being "too Tom Hanks" and therefore detracting from the storyline, was boring and, for the most part, completely unanimated.

The woman, Audrey Tatou, who played Amelie in the wonderful French film of the same name, was pretty pathetic. I don't think any actors could have bailed this film out to be quite honest.

I feel bad mostly for Tatou because she stands to lose the most. I mean, let's consider the key players.

Dan Brown-- Nobody is really going to slam him for the crappy film interpretation of his book. He is, after all, a writer, not a director.

Little Opie Cunningham--He is normally a great director and has established himself many times over with awesome movies like "Apollo XII." (Which I saw for the first time in Maine with Reesie so many years ago. She dragged me there in spite of my proclamation of my hatred for space movies. I ended up seeing it THREE times in the cinemas and countless times on VHS or DVD.) Everybody's entitled to create one shit movie. If this were Cunningham's first film, he might have something to sweat about, but he's not going to lose any real street cred at this point in his career.

Tom Hanks--Yeah, right. As if this guy's going to stop getting offered every single role in Hollywood because of his appearance in one crappy film.

Tatou-- Trying to bust into the Hollywood acting scene with this film as her breakthrough vehicle. Again, of all these folks, she is the most at risk of having her career adversely impacted by her wet noodle personality in the film.

I can't emphasize it enough...save your time and cash!