So I went and did my laundry tonight at the local dumpy laundromat. I hate that place. There I am forced to rub elbows with the absolute dregs of humanity. Does that make me sound like a total snob, a complete be-otch? So be it. I'm just telling it like it is.
Let me provide a little background on this hell-hole.
This place doubles as a flop house for all the neighborhood drunks. I was in there once and discovered that a man, who moments before had been speaking to a friend on his cell phone about me (my Spanish isn't that good, but I can figure out when a man is commenting about my boobs), started following me around the place. He was doing this awkward sideways walk, thrusting his hip toward me. I was curious as to what exactly was going on, so I cast a glance downward to his hip. There I noticed his cellphone, mounted to his belt, TAKING VIDEO of me! Jesus, isn't it just a given that a woman is at her worst on laundry day? I was wearing an outfit that was last in style when the show, "Facts of Life" was at its peak of popularity.
Another time I was down there when an entire family of 6 came in with carry-out bags from the local McDonalds. Not only did the place smell like a deep fat fryer, but the family proceeded to dine at the table that usually serves as the clothes folding table. I briefly considered voicing a complaint to the woman working there. That was until I realized that the extra burger, fries annd coke sitting amidst the Mt. Everest of fast food was actually hers. Of course...they were friends of hers. To add insult to injury, they weren't even doing laundry there. They had just stopped by the laundromat with bags full of greasy fast food to dine with the local stewbums and homeless population of Union Square. Classy.
I usually hold off on doing laundry until the very last minute. The only problem, therefore, is that I end up having about four tons of laundry to do. I usually am so desperate that if I held out for one more day, I would have to show up at work the next morning in my bathrobe.
Christ, I really hate laundry day!!!
My apartment is great and the rent is cheap, but man, sometimes I think I should just move into some place a quarter of its size and triple its rent just to have laundry on the premesis.
Oh, and by the way, even though there were about 78 people in the laundromat tonight, I swear that when I left, the only 32 healthy teeth in the entire place left with me.
I should urge a local cosmetic dentist to post advertisements in that place!
I'm such a snob, I know. Oh well, whatever. Deal with it!!
Tomorrow is Friday. Bon Jovi Concert day!!!
2 comments:
Yeah, you're a total snob, but who cares? That was hilarious. I visit a laundromat once a year or so, because I need the commercial size washing machine for my Queen-size comforter. I like it, it's a novelty, plus I love the way you can do so much laundry at once. I have four kids, and a husband, so I do mountains of laundry, at least two loads a day. Unless someone wets the bed, that's an extra load right there. Or take today, snow day... I actually made the kids wear their dirty clothes from yesterday because I knew they'd come in wet and want to change. Anyway, even though I enjoy the laundromat, I have to make an effort NOT to think about what kind of funk might have been washed in the same machine as my delicates. Eeeeeew.
Studies show that laundry machines are the second dirtiest things. They have found ecoli and other filth in even at home laundry machines. The first dirtiest thing is the bar on a shopping cart. YUCK!
Anyhow you are not a snob, you are just stating the facts. Keep it up. I miss listening to your stories, so this is the next best thing.
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