Pommegranate Martinis and Scientology Conspiracies

Last night I went out for dinner at The West Side Lounge in Cambridge with the fabulous Faye, the fantastic Becky and Becky's magnificent friend, Sharon, who was here for a visit. Faye has just recently returned from a 2-week trip to Kenya and we were all anxiously awaiting the opportunity to get together to hear her tales of woe. You'd have to know Faye to know that if she's involved, there will, inevitably, be tales of woe to recount.

The West Side Lounge is a little on the "de-trop" side for me (I'm a pub kind of girl), but the occasional foray into a hip spot never hurt a girl, did it? Besides which, Faye and Becky are not necessarily pub kinds of gals.

Anyway, Faye did not disappoint, and we spent much of the earlier part of the evening discussing her trip. She told us about the amazing safaris she took, the gorgeous animals she saw (she even had a picture of herself petting a cheetah while the thing was gnawing away on some nasty ass ham hock), the beautiful seaside villa she stayed in for several days and the guy who caught fish in the ocean moments before knocking on their door to see if they wanted to buy any. She told us of her bargaining prowess at the outdoor markets and brought us all back really beautiful little souvenirs. (She gave me a lovely little bowl with a carving of a giraffe inside...really gorgeous!) Her trip sounded beautiful and I was about to hop on a plane to Kenya myself. The only thing keeping me anchored to the table at that point was my glass of overpriced Sauvignon Blanc.

Anyway, the appetizers were consumed and as a second round of drinks made its way to our table, Faye did begin to talk a little about the unavoidable issue of poverty in Africa. She never really got to tell us too much of what she saw because, somehow, the topic of famous people who do charitable work entered the discussion.

We stayed with that theme for a while. We all agreed that people like Oprah, Bono, and Angelina Jolie do wonderful things for people, and that we are annoyed by people who criticize them and accuse them of doing the work they do for publicity. We pretty much reached the consensus that if these people are public in the charity work they do, it is only because they want to call attention to issues they clearly care about. At least that's how we feel.

From there, the discussion quickly descended into the seedy gossip stuff surrounding celebrities. I was shocked to find out that Faye is obsessed, I mean OBSESSED with Caleb gossip.



It turns out, she loves all this crap. The funny thing is that Faye is just so hilarious that she can make this gossip stuff, in which I have otherwise absolutely no interest, the most entertaining thing in the world. I was in fits of laughter all night long. For not only does Faye report back on the gossip she hears and reads, but then she goes a step further by formulating "theories" about these people. She will also inform you not to trust anything you read unless it comes from the AP. Otherwise, she says, you're being duped!

More on the theories in due time.

I made the fatal mistake of saying that I felt kind of badly for Jennifer Aniston in her split with Brad Pitt. Faye immediately put me straight by telling me, "Giiiiiirl.....Jennifer Aniston is over Brad Pitt's ass and has been for months. She's playing the 'poor me' sympathy card for the press."

Enter her first theory....

The reason Jennifer Aniston's movies have been met with lukewarm enthusiasm at best is because she's worn out her welcome with the public by whining and telling her "woe is me" tales.

Faye assured me that Jennifer is fine and not to worry about her. Not that I really worried about her. I'm actually not a fan of Jennifer, Brad or Angelina. That said, I don't particularly dislike any of them, either.




Onto Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise. According to Faye, these two most definitely are together as a publicity stunt. She claims that the timing was right for his "War of the Worlds" movie and whatever movie she was in. I know this is hardly a new theory, but I'm just saying that Faye believes in it wholeheartedly. And to hear the authority with which she speaks on the subject, I have little choice but to see her logic.

She claims Katie and Tom are pissed that Angelina and Brad are about to have a baby because it is stealing their thunder. This brought us to the next mysterious topic. Katie Holmes announced her pregnancy to the world about 4 years ago and yet she is still pregnant. Angelina announced her pregnancy 30 seconds ago and looks ready to pop at any seconds.

Faye claims Katie is waiting for Tom's "Mission Impossible 3" to come out before having the kid. I didn't even know a MI 3 was coming out. When is that going to happen? 2020? At this rate of gestation, Katie might just be ready to have the kid at that time.

As for the whole Katie and Tom divorce thing. Faye claims this is another publicity stunt. She claims that since the world is so focused on Brad and Angie, they are creating this rumor of a divorce to get the attention back on themselves.

This is so pathetic.

But these are the theories that really made me laugh..

1. Katie and Tom are in a totally fake relationship

2. Katie isn't really even pregnant (Faye sites this "pregnancy progression chart" that she saw online in which Katie is larger in "3 month" photos than she is in "7 month" photos. When I asked if this could be the fault of the person assembling the collage, Faye dismissed my question as absurd!)

3. Katie is pregnant, but she has not been impregnated by Tom. Rather, she has been impregnated artificially with the sperm of L. Ron Hubbard. Of course, it was at this moment when the otherwise loud restaurant had one of those lulls in volume. Faye didn't care though. To her, this is important stuff!



We moved our party over to Starbucks for an after-dinner coffee. We were disappointed to find it rather crowded. We could not find a place to sit so we were about to leave. But Faye urged us to stay for a few more minutes so she could share the earth shattering news she'd just heard about Jessica Simpson.

We positioned ourselves rather awkwardly and inconveniently (for other customers) in between the two milk/sugar counters. Normally, customers would stand in that space to prepare their coffee and then leave. But with the way we were standing there, they had to perform Cirque De Soleil movements around us to get at the cream and sugar.

Anyway, Faye proceeded to tell us the story of how it was pretty much proven that Jessica Simpson was no virgin when she got married and that how some guy on a movie set claimed to have had, well, an alternative form of sex with her. Faye was totally unphased by the fact that these Cambridge women were horrified by the discussion as they put honey in their herbal tea. One young guy was trying to conceal his laughter as he put milk in his coffee. Other people just seemed to want to get the hell out of there as quickly as possible.

it really was funny.

Before I close out of this topic, let me just say that hands down and without reservation, I would put Faye up there in the top 5 most intelligent people I know. Book smarts. Street smarts. Work Smarts. People smarts. She has it all. I find it so refreshing and funny when somebody that smart can be so unabashedly addiced to something like celebrity gossip!

You go girl!



In a totally unrelated matter, I went to Marshalls to return some stuff today. I had to get a store credit since I'd bought the items in like 1934 and obviously went past the 30 day return time. Anyway, in looking around for something to buy, I stumbled upon these great Merrell Snow Moccasins. I know they aren't much to look at, but when you can land a 90 dollar pair of Merrells for 30, you run to the register and don't look back!!

It sucks that it is snowing out now, but I'm happy to have my Merrells!