Perhaps I Was Just Not Born To Drive

Ok, so I know I have to get over my embarrassment at not driving, and my fear of driving and just start freakin' driving, right?

All of my faithful readers can attest to the fact that I have been actively taking the necessary measures to get myself on the road for once and for all.

I joined Zipcar so that I can crash up a few of their vehicles instead of buying one of my own at first.

I even signed up for a few driving lessons. I explained to the guy at the auto school that, in fact, I have had my license for years, but that I have not been driving and feel that a few brush-up lessons would be helpful. The guy on the phone didn't seem to find anything strange in this request. Actually, he said that he does "refresher" courses all the time because lots of people who live in urban areas tend not to drive, and then get rusty on their skills and need a few lessons before starting back up. In fact, the guy was commending me for recognizing that I should take a few lessons instead of just going back out there without practicing.

Anyway, yesterday I show up at the auto shool. The instructor was late and when he did pull up in the car, he stopped about ten feet in front of where I was standing and just sort of sat there in the car. I engaged in somewhat of a battle of the wills with this guy, reasoning that if he is the instructor and he is representing this driving school, he should behave professionally and get out of the car to greet me properly.

The stand-off continued for several uncomfortable moments until eventually I went over and bent down at quite an unflattering angle to ask the guy if he was there to pick me up for the lesson.

Before I could ask, he barked, "You here for a lesson?"

I said yes and he told me to get in the car.

The thing that struck me immediately was the driver's hideous breath. I'm not talking about a little garlic at lunch, people. I'm talking full out halitosis.

Gross.

Then the guy asked me if I had a driver's permit. I told him that I had my license.

"License? You got that? Why you need lesson?"

I replied, "Well, I thought we spoke about this."

The guy starts doing this confused arm jig and saying, "What? Who? Spoke what? Where? "

I looked at him, unsure of what to say. I had already spoken to his colleague and explained the whole situation.

Finally he asked me, "Why you need lesson? What? You stupid?"

Those of you who know me will be SHOCKED to learn that I said nothing. I simply snapped my license from his grubby fingers and got out of the car. I was pleased when the door grated violently against the curb because he had parked too close. Normally I would have walked away leaving the door wide open, but I could not resist the temptation to press down really hard on it while shutting it, thus allowing it to scraped into the curb again.

As I walked away, he yelled out the window, "Hey, you owe me 35 dollars!"

I called back, through my laughter, "Sure, I'll pay you 35 dollars to call me stupid."

With that, he sped his halitosis ass out of there.