Damn, Rebecca, You Was TRUMPED!!

I freely admit (although not without a slight sense of shame), that I'm totally addicted to "The Apprentice."

From this point forward, I will refer to this program as "The Donald Trump Show," the name I assigned it upon first seeing it. I have never really called it the Apprentice. I'm surprised Trump didn't insist upon it being called the Donald Trump Show, actually. I think that is the REAL name of the show anyway. Christ, why am I doing the work of the NBC executives? Furthermore, why am I not getting remuneration and recognition for my efforts?

Anyway, I have seen every single episode of this season. Most of the early tasks were botch jobs due to the utter incompetence of many of the "candidates." Of course, Trump doesn't give anybody any second chances, so, one by one, as these Bozos exposed themselves for the complete ninnies they really are, Trump cut their "Apprentice" aspirations short with a curt slap of the conference table and a bark of "You're Fired!"

Immediately, Marcus comes to mind. What a fool! This guy's only talent was to talk for hour on end while managing to say absolutely nothing. I was tempted to post a "vacant lot" sign where his freakin' brain should have been.

The women created a cartoon character for Dairy Queen in which they did absolutely no Dairy Queen logo placement.

I'm a teacher, right? What do I know about advertisement, right? Well, I do know that it is wise to at least mention the product being advertised in your campaign.

I could go on and on about these fools, but really, who has the time to write or read about their displays of abject stupidity?

Trump was all over the place this season. Sometimes he fired one person. Sometimes two. Sometimes he let people who were clearly useless stay around for weeks on end. And then there was the firing of the four. Four candidates axed at one time. They deserved it, though, as they managed to not only fail miserably at increasing sales at a sports store promotion, but actually average lower sales than the store usually did in a normal business day.

Ok, so the final two competitors were the saintly Randal and the Go-Getter Rebecca.

Randal was the happy-go-lucky, mellow, relaxed, super nice, Rhodes scholar with degrees from Harvard, Oxford and MIT, to name a few. He was the founder of a fortune 500 multi-million dollar company. He had vast experience in business and seemed to be, by far, the most sought-after task partner by all of his colleagues on the show. He was project manager 3 times, and won all three of those tasks. Every time a team had a chance to reorganize, they always chose to take Randal. He was this saintly, beloved genius. It was clear to me, from very early in the season, that Randal had a very strong change of winning.

Rebecca was this cool-as-a-cucumber, super smart 23 year-old woman whose business experience paled in comparison to Randal's. I am fully aware, as I say this, that Rebecca could not possibly compete with Randal's experience as she was more than 10 years his junior.

Throughout the show, Rebecca and Randal worked well together, formed a great bond, and had nothing but good things to say to and about each other.

Randal's last task was to organize a charity celeb baseball game for "Autism Speaks." His major screw up? He didn't even bother to consult the weather forecast before the event. Of course, it pissed rain, and Randal was forced to hold his charity auction in a basement room of the stadium's inner building. It made me think of my middle school cafeteria, complete with cinder block walls and industrial tile floors.

The event went smoothly, though, and Randy raised 11,000 for Autism speaks. I wasn't impressed, though, with the fact that Randal's teammates were doing the lion's share of the work. The sponsor from Outback Steak House noted the same.

Rebecca, on the other hand, seemed to have things much more under control and be a much more hands on leader. She did screw up, though, in that she caved to her Yahoo Sponsor's trepidation about asking people directly for donations to the Elizabeth Glaser Pediatric AIDS Foundation, and subsequently decided to just place a "donation envelope" in the VIP backpacks. As a result, she didn't raise any money!

In the board room, Caroline, the Trump Wench I love to fear, blasted Randall for not checking the weather and Rebecca for not collecting money.

Anyway, enough of the boardroom shenanigans and play by play. I don't really need to get into it. If you really wanted to see it, you would have watched it.

Trump hired Randal in the end. (I know, my relaying of the events are so anti-climactic. Whatever. Deal!) Randal was understandably jumping for joy all over the set of the very authentic looking live studio audience boardroom. Trump called his celebration to a halt, however, long enough to ask Randal to come back and join him, Caroline, George and the shunned Rebecca at the table.

Trump, who usually is a shark when it comes to making decisions, did something very strange. He asked Randal to tell him whether he should also hire Rebecca. I was all excited for Rebecca and Randal because I was sure this lovely, generous man would be quick to want to share his bounty with his esteemed colleague.

However, Randal shocked me to the core in jumping right at the chance to deny Rebecca the chance to be name co-Apprentice. Randal's line was some lame crap like, "Mr. Trump, this show is called the Apprentice, not the Aprentii, so one slot, one apprentice."

Naturally Rebecca was floored.

I think I was even more so.

I felt very let down and betrayed by Randal. He was just a wolf in sheep clothing all along. But why did he turn into a jerk at the end, when he had already won? In previous tasks, in which he was fighting for his life against Rebecca or others, he seemingly went out of his way to be kind to his competitors. And yet, here he is, the laurel crown sitting firmly on his head, and he denies Rebecca the right to share in the glory.

I tell you, I was hurt for Rebecca and really deflated by Randal. As far as I'm concerned, Randal leaves this show with a pall of tackiness hanging over him. How unclassy!