Jovi's Consumer Reports

As most of you already know, I am an avid shopper. Clothing, cosmetics, whatever...

I figured I'd take a few minutes to review some of my more recent purchases with you, in order to help you determine whether or not you would like to patronize the businesses and companies to whom I have recently shelled out my hard earned dollars.

Let's start off with the good reviews.



First place is awarded to Zoots Dry Cleaners for outstanding work in cleaning and repairing my beloved Ann Taylor lace eyelit skirt. Folks, this skirt is whiter than white, and it is gorgeous. It is the shining jewel in my wardrobe (which, believe me, consists of a rather modest collection of not-so-designer clothing). The skirt was initially 179 dollars, but I bought it for 70. I have worn this thing to more weddings, funerals, parties and functions than I can shake a stick at. I LOVE this skirt. But, naturally, the fact that it is pure snow white has not helped in the area of keeping it squeaky clean.

I attended a summer wedding with my friend, Peter, last summer and naturally, opting to wear "the skirt" was a no-brainer. However, at the reception, I foolishly decided to partake of the fruit and chocolate fountain, and well, you can imagine the rest. Ashamed of a rather large chocolate stain on my white skirt, I rushed to the bathroom to do the best removal I could with the available soap and water. The stain was barely visible after that, but I knew it was there and, once again, the skirt is so white, that even a hint of a stain is too much. I took it to some local dry cleaner who reprimanded me for trying to remove the stain myself, and then subsequently failed to remove the stain himself.

Heartbroken, I decided it was time to relegate the skirt to my school wardrobe. Somehow, within the first day of wearing it to school, it managed to pick up two rather large stains (orange in color...don't ask..), and a pretty large tear right through the intricate, delicate eyelit pattern.

The skirt has sat in a bag on the floor of my closet, untouched, for almost a year. I decided, however, to bring it to Zoot Cleaners, which is located in the same strip mall as my gym, just for the hell of it. A Russian tailor looked at the tear in the eyelit and didn't even flinch. "I fix. I fix wizout problem," she declared. The tiny Vietnamese woman assessing the skirt of dry cleaning assured me that since the skirt was white and thus had no potential to lose any color during the cleaning process, she would attack the stain with every cleansing chemical known to man.

I waited for a week for the skirt to return, fully expecting them to tell me that they tried their best, but that they had not been able to return the skirt to its original virginal white status.

Yesterday, after the gym, I walked over and held my breath while they searched for the skirt on the interminable racks. I almost fainted on the spot when I saw it. There it was, hanging beneath the clear plastic bag, looking as gorgeous and perfect as it did on the day I proudly marched it out of the Ann Taylor store!!

Its back!!!

Those of you attending Fwiz's wedding in Florida will undoubtedly be treated to an audience with "the skirt" at some point during that trip. Just remind me to refuse any sauce on my food, to drink only white wine, and to opt for the desserts that are crumbly, not gooey!

Props to Zoots Dry Cleaners!



My next shout out is directed to every New Englander's favorite purveyor or coffee and morning confections, Dunkin Donuts. Anybody who knows me knows that I can never refuse a Dunkies run to get my regular "medium iced coffee with a lot of skim milk and two Splendas." The other day, I was in Dunks, and on a lark, I decided to try one of their "latte lite" beverages. I'm not a huge fan of espresso, but, I reasoned that since Dunks is known for its rather light coffee, maybe their espresso would also be a little on the weak side. I was right. The beverage is 2 shots of espresso, the rest skim milk, and as many Splendas as you like. I opted for two, but needed a third as the espresso, although a weaker variation thereof in the wide world of coffee, is still stronger than the regular coffee. I know, I know. I'll have to field the insults of the artificial sweetener nay-sayers at some point, but I love my Splenda. That's my story and I'm stickin' to it. Maybe at some point when I'm lying there with some incurable disease and my kids are born with 5 heads I'll feel differently, but for the present time, bring on the Splenda, Be-otches!

My third positive shout-out is directed at my beloved Apple Company. This weekend, I was able to order 153 paper prints of my digital photos directly from my iPhoto library. No problem. No extra uploading to some external site. No delays. Apple rocks!

OK, so, now I have no choice but to hurl some negative publicity at a few companies who deserve these criticisms and more, if you ask me.



Once again, my friends, the MBTA (Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority) people are on my shit list. I was taking a bus through Harvard Square yesterday and a woman, while boarding the bus, asked the driver the very simple question of, "Do you go down Somerville Ave?" The driver simply looked at the woman and stated, "This is the #86 bus." Confused, the woman again asked him if his bus traveled down Somerville Ave. Again, the driver told her, "This is the 86 bus." This identical exchange went on no fewer than three more times.

Now, let me get a couple of things straight here. Both the woman and the driver were native English speakers, so we cannot chalk this up to a lack of understanding or miscommunication between the two people involved. Secondly, the woman boarding the bus was very clearly mildly mentally disabled. She was probably in her 40s, but appeared to possess the mental functioning capacity of an early pre-teen. She clearly needed to know whether this man, in his travels, would be going down Somerville Ave. And he simply refused to answer her question.

I made my way to the front of the bus and asked the woman where she needed to go. Her destination had nothing whatsoever to do with the bus she had boarded in her confusion. She asked the driver why he didn't tell her, and he turned to her and said, "It isn't my responsibility to tell you where you need to go. You should look out for yourself." With that, he drove off, making it impossible for her to exit the bus and wait for the bus she needed.

I was livid. Of course, I could not leave well enough alone and when I was preparing to leave the bus at my stop I told the driver that his behavior toward that woman had been deplorable and that if he was not inclined to answer questions about a bus route, he should not be driving a bus.

Of course, he told me to, and I quote, "Get the fuck off my bus, Bitch." I said, "Excuse me?" And his response, coming straight out of 1982, was, "Your mother." I just looked at him inquisitively and asked, "My mother?" I was incredulous. How could I be prepared for this insult when 2 and a half decades have separated me from the most recent time I heard it in use in local street vernacular? Anyway, I announced that I would be calling the MBTA the moment I got off the bus and the man said, "I don't give a fuck who you call, Bitch!"

I did call and I was transferred in to a manager at the dispatch center. I told them that I didn't really care that he had been vulgar toward me, but that it was absolutely unacceptable that he had been abusive toward this disabled woman. As I explained to the people at the MBTA, if I don't like the bus situation, I can go get myself a car and drive around. However, many mentally and physically disabled people are completely dependent upon public transportation to get around and have no alternative. At least they can be treated with some respect and allowed to maintain their dignity.

I was pissed. You can bet your asses I'll be following up with a call on this one tomorrow. And no worries, I got the guy's vehicle number, the starting time of his route origin and a physical description.




This weekend I bought a Shick Quattro razor for my legs. I figured, "Wow, 4 blades. This thing is gonna be fierce. " Let's just say that I somehow had more hair on my legs after shaving than before. No clue what's going on there. I literally had a freakin 5 o'clock shadow on my legs! I am going to need to shave my legs quattro times a day with this thing in order to have those silky smooth hamhocks we all lust after! How bogus!



And one more slam...this one to Delta Airlines.

This story did not happen to me, but it needs to be told!

My aerobics instructor at the gym, whose parents were going to fly to the Bahamas to celebrate their 40th wedding anniversary, had to cancel their trip due to the death of her mother's brother. When her mother and father approached Delta about changing their tickets or getting a refund, Delta was falling all over themselves to replace her mother's ticket with an open-ended ticket, good for travel at any time. When it came to the woman's husband of 40 years, the Delta people simply said, "We're sorry. Since you did not lose an immediate family member, we are unable to alter your ticket or travel date."

Huh? So, the guy was expected to travel to the Bahamas for his 40th wedding anniversary while his wife stayed behind in Boston to attend to the funeral arrangements for her brother?

Ok!

Anyway, the lesson her is to always buy travel insurance. When Stephen and I purchased our tickets to Croatia, 8 months in advance of the trip, I absolutely forced him to buy the 50 dollar travel insurance policy. Jesus, I'd rather lose the 50 dollars and have an uneventful trip than neglect to pay the 50 and then lose 1200 for some unforeseen accident/event.

Anyway, that's my little take on a few of our biggest companies and products. Tell me what your recent shopping trips have produced!