The Bachelor in Paris...A Pathetic Addiction

Ok, so you have to admit it...and so do I; this guy is gorgeous! I mean, he's the epitome of the word "hunk." The chiseled face. The towering height. The sandy blond wavy hair. The deep blue eyes. The toothpaste poster child smile. Who wouldn't go ga-ga over this guy?

Did I mention that he's also a doctor? An emergency room surgeon, no less.

Obviously, every mother of every single woman in America would fall to her knees and rejoice if her daughter were to bring this Adonis home.

Small wonder this vision of beauty is the star of ABC's new season of the reality show, "The Bachelor." To up the ante, ABC is filming the show in Paris, and each week, there are back-to-back episodes. So, you get two hours of Bachelor for the price of one. Sadly, however, you lose double the time and about four times the brain cells watching both hours. And for some reason, I find myself oddly compelled to stay tuned for both hours.

I have to say, it is kind of an interesting set-up. The first hour of the show is really just a "behind the scenes" look at some of what happened in the "new" episode from the week before. In other words, we, the viewing audience, already know which women will get rejected, yet we see some of the hidden events leading to the ultimate rose ceremony. Then, the second hour of the show concentrates on new dates, new in-house drama, and further rejections at a rose ceremony.

This season has been particularly painful to watch. Although the bachelor himself is gorgeous and seems rather genuine, the women are beautiful only in that "if-I-did-not-have-six-pounds-of-make-up-on-my-face-and-a-professional-hair-stylist-following-me-around-at-all-times-I'd-be-disgusting" kind of way. The women are also really incredibly phony and fake. Either that, or they're really goofy and stupid.

One of the women, Kristen, pained us all when she fashioned a set of redneck teeth from an orange peel and stuck them in her mouth ON HER FIRST DATE. Needless to say, the guy didn't know what the hell to make of it. Later, they adjourned to the hot tub, and even the sight of this woman in her size 32AA bikini top (with her clearly-no-smaller-than 36DD breasts) wasn't enough to rouse the bachelor from his coma of boredom. It was really painful.

This other woman, "Sarah from Canada" speaks in this very contrived raspy voice. There is nothing legitimate about the raspy quality of her voice. It is totally put-on and utterly annoying. Add to that the fact that she extends every word by an additional twelve syllables and you have a general picture of what this girl is about.

In a two-on-one date last night, the bachelor had to decide whether to send "fake-rasp" of this other very nice woman from Boston home. Not surprisingly, he chose to chuck the girl who actually seemed to have some semblance of gray matter between her ears in order to keep "extra-syllables" around.

I guess you can have all the book smarts in the world, as the bachelor clearly does, and not have a hint about people. Either that or he figured the fake-rasp woman was an easier shag. I guess the fact that she was whining about wanting to be the first woman to kiss him and begging him to kiss her clued him in to the fact that she was a sure thing.




In the first week of the show, the woman shown above, an oncologist named Allie, was sent home. Had I been the bachelor, I would have sent her packing, as well. She was obviously an excessively jealous person. But, the ultimate kicker was when she told the bachelor that she was at a stage in her life where she was ready to reproduce. Yes, she used those exact words. Let me employ some helpful and indicative quotation marks to drive the point home. "I am at a point in my life where I'm ready to reproduce."

When he dissed and dismissed her, she actually came in and confronted him and accused him of dumping her because she was too short or didn't have enough boobs.

Maybe he dismissed her because she made Norman Bates look like a freakin' Girls Scout in the middle of cookie drive!



This woman was dumped last night and she dissolved in tears upon receiving the news that she was out of there.

I just don't get how these women can fall head over heels in love with these guys in about five minutes.

Also, a few of the women are teachers. When did they have the time to do this show? Did they take a school year off to do it? What will their students think? What will the parents of their students think? What will the patients of the oncologist quietly ask to be transferred to the care of a slightly, how shall I say it? Stable doctor?

Hello people, can we say pathetic?

Or, in the spirit of the Bachelor Paris, "disons, Pathetique!"